Scarleteen

Hi I am just wondering what speicifically it means to use a condom perfectly? I think I’m using it right. I put it on before general contact, pinching the tip and rolling it down. Then, I hold the bottom and pull out before I actually ejaculate, and put a new one on if we continue. and my gf also takes birth control for a dual protection system but want to make sure I do the condom right too to ensure we are protected against pregnancy and STD’s.

Thanks!

Hi Nak,

Great question. Perfect use is just to do exactly as you've described whenever you have intercourse.

When you see rates, 'perfect use' and 'typical use' are different ways effectiveness is measured.

'Typical' is when someone chooses it as there only method how likely is it that they will become pregnant in a year, it can even include the times when they didn't even use a condom. Because it's just talking about how effective a condom is as a choice, not just as a physical object. It tends to come from large scale census information and public bodies which ask people what birth control they use and compares this to who became pregnant within that year.

'Perfect' usually comes from studies that try to ensure that everyone in the study is using the method properly and for every time they have intercourse.

Thank you for this helpful response! My other question regards disposing of condoms. I go the the bathroom to take it off and then throw it in trash but I am nervous that I could contaminate the door knob, toilet, etc if my fingers have a bit of semen on it and then my gf uses the bathroom right after which could lead to pregnancy

I know this scenario may not seem plausible for a pregnancy risk-I am just really struggling with anxiety over it all. I am a student and have been seeing a counselor at school, but despite the fact that I am pretty sure this won’t cause pregnancy, I still am consumed with anxiety. I am on a family trip at the moment and cannot enjoy myself as my stomach is in knots and I cannot be myself..

Hi Nak1,

Per our pregnancy scare policy, which I'll include at the end of my answer, I'm not going to engage with that part of your question.

However, if this is something that's been causing you anxiety, have you spoken to your counselor at all about it? And have they given you any tools for coping with anxiety spikes in general, ones you could use while you're on your trip?

For reference, this is out pregnancy scare policy:

We will not answer ANY questions about pregnancy fear or anxiety in our direct services from users who are not pregnant or who are not or have not otherwise been directly involved with an actual pregnancy.

Please do not post this kind of question. If you are seeing this text, and your thread is locked, it is because you have posted this kind of question.

We CAN and WILL talk about things like:
• choosing and using a method or methods of contraception for any future sexual activity
• creating your own sexual limits and boundaries based on your needs and/or presenting them to any partners
• making sexual choices that suit your own needs, abilities and limitations, including your own readiness for certain possible risks
• help locating or using emergency contraception if and when you have had a pregnancy risk
• discussing options with a real, existing pregnancy, and help finding and accessing those options, such as abortion services and pre-natal care, or discussing feelings or concerns about a past pregnancy
• help with anxiety like locating mental health services, sound self-help or asking for support from friends or family

For help dealing with a scare (including what poses a risk and your next steps based on your unique situation), you may use our tool on site built for this purpose: The Pregnancy Panic Companion.
For help with anxiety, click here.
For related help and information at Scarleteen, click here.
If you would like more information about this policy, click here.

Thanks for your response. I know that these things cannot cause pregnancy. I have had these and other similar fears regarding masturbation and accidentally leaving semen behind. I emailed a local ob-gyn who literarily told me: “don’t be scared or worried about any pregnancy related consequences from masturbation.” yet I’m still feeling anxious right now after masturbating and then a girl used the restroom 10 minutes later


I have talked about it with the counselor. She didn’t offer coping advice but talking it out was seeming to help for a while but now I have clearly regressed and don’t know what to do

Got it. Right now, I'd suggest combing tools from these two articles to help you manage your anxiety and self-soothe enough to enjoy the trip you're on: Anxiety and Other Mental Health Resources,
Self-Care a La Carte.

When you next have a chance, I'd suggest checking in with the same counselor again and asking to talk about ways to manage these anxiety spikes when they arise. You may also want to take a look at this article and see if any of the underlying causes of these fears apply to you (the article is aimed at people who can become pregnant, but many of the reasons listed can apply to anyone): You're Not Pregnant. Why Do You think You Are?

Thank you for providing these articles I’ll give them a read

You're welcome!

I read the last article you provided and I think this excerpt sums things up for me:


“If things like in the lists above are true for you, being pregnant right now isn't real. That's not what's happening here. But the feelings of fear you're having are real. They are real feelings. They're just not fears or feelings you're having because you are pregnant.”

I have been dealing with some social anxiety issues the past few months that has spiked feelings of loneliness and anxiety; perhaps this is why I have regressed to where I was before meeting with a counselor

Having anxiety spikes in other places in your life can definitely lead to anxieties you thought were under control popping back up. Have you been trying any things to manage those feelings of loneliness? Or are you feeling pretty stuck?

Yes I run everyday and try to listen to music and take walks, but I still feel incredibly controlled by the anxiety. I keep rereading the email from the ob-gyn too but that offers no help. I just want to be free from this and find some happiness

Sorry that was for trying to deal with anxiety. For the loneliness it’s been hard. I have had a hard time making any close friends in college and my girfriend has been busy and not a lot of time for me to discuss these things with her. And when I have, it’s been understandingly overwhelming for her so I backed off

Unfortunately, figuring out how to manage anxiety can take some time, so as much as you can try to be patient with yourself. One thing we recommend for users with anxiety around pregnancy is to take at least a 24 hour break from googling, reading, or otherwise looking at information about pregnancy or pregnancy risks (even if that information is reassuring, like the email from the ob-gyn). Dong that can sometimes disrupt the anxiety loop. Does that feel like something you can try?

As for the loneliness, would it help to use this space to brainstorm some ways to connect with new people?

Thank you so much for your help. I’m a mess right now and I appreciate your support. The 24hr idea sounds like it would be helpful. It could prove to be difficult but I will give it a shot.

I have tried a lot of different things to help with the loneliness. I joined the running team at my school. I enjoy the guys but no close friendships have arisen. I have extended invitations to different high school to spend time together this summer but besides a handful of outings, most of the day it’s just been me and my thoughts. I work in a restaurant so that gets me out of the house but it’s been a tough go recently

You're welcome! Hopefully that approach helps break the anxiety loop a little.

Sometimes it's a matter of spending enough time with people for friendships to develop, so being on the running team and keeping up with those connections is an excellent start. If you have other hobbies or interests, it can also help to find groups where you can explore those. Those groups can be in-person, or online, as both options actually allow you positive ways to connect with people

Thank you for your advice regarding the friends.

I am really trying hard with the anxiety but it’s a struggle. I am at dinner with my family and had to excuse myself to the bathroom now because my hands were getting shaky and I didn’t have an appetite. More bad thoughts keep running through my head. Like now I fear that the girl who went in after my masturbation touched some semen and then out in a tampon into her vagina which had the semen on it. I haven’t looked anything up but am struggling. I am so sorry to keep posting

It's okay, but it really sounds like you need a kind of help that we just aren't able to provide, I'm afraid. When your brain is doing this kind of gymnastics, and coming up with scenarios that just aren't based in reality, it's generally not about needing information. It's about an anxiety disorder, which facts won't fix or likely help you manage.

Are you open to talking about looking into some mental healthcare to specifically help you with your anxiety? You're enrolled in college, yes? Does your college have student counseling services?

I think the reason this gymnastics started is because I noticed a tampon wrapper in the trash and it’s escalated since

Yes I am seeing a counselor at school and it seemed to be helping but alas no more and now I don’t know what to do

The thing is (and sorry if I'm stating the obvious), if someone's brain was NOT running on anxiety, a tampon wrapper in the trash would, at best, equal a thought like, "Someone must have their period." Not this whole impossible pregnancy scenario. Your brain did that from the wrapper because your brain was already all hopped up on anxiety, you know?

So, do I have it right that you lost access to a counselor? Is it because you're back home or otherwise not in school right now? If so, do you have health insurance or public health coverage? Do you know if it covers mental healthcare?

Yes that makes sense how my anxiety is triggering all these impossible scenarios.

You are correct- I am not at school right now and have not been seeing a counselor. I will when I return but that is the end of August. I have health insurance but am unsure if it covers mental health. I need to look into that. I have been reeling all summer and feel so alone without any close friends and gf has been busy so I could use someone to talk to.

Thank you for helping. I am really scared at the moment but I am hopeful I can get through this and start enjoying things again

I'm so sorry: that sounds like a terrible way to spend a summer!

Why don't you take a look at your insurance and holler back at us when you know. If it doesn't cover this, we can still help you look for some mental healthcare you might be able to get without it.

Ok will do thank you so much your help

Of course.

In the meantime do you know of any things I can be doing to stay calmer and get some sleep?