Anal prep

[andrej]

Hi!
Oh this is kind of an embarrassing topic, but I always feel it is safe to discuss these kind of things here + internet is giving me conflicted info about this topic. I have been writing to you about this already, but need some reassurance again haha.

Anyway, I'm a bi guy and I've had anal twice in my life (receiving). I didn't do any kind of special preparation and everything was nice and clean, no complaints, and I was being rimmed fr good 20 minutes so I believe I was clean enough haha. But I still get paranoia and I want to fully figure this thing out, so after my last experience I've been checking myself randomly from time to time by sticking a finger inside and every single time I'd be knuckle deep inside with my finger, I would find little pieces of poop, no matter if I've already pooped that day or not, took a shower or not, felt empty or not. I believe my diet is balanced, I exercise and drink enough water (I think??) which is why I'm really confused. Is it supposed to be like that, for my body to store poop that close to a rectum? Am I maybe constipated all the time and got used to it and don't evacuate fully?

I really don't want t douche because I'm scared of it, but I also want to be able to get some kind of control over this thing and have a good, relaxed, enjoyable anal experience both for me and my partner.

[Jacob]

Hi Andrej!

Thanks for asking this question. Anal sex, to be honest, includes the possibility that we might come into contact with some poop - probably not much... but a little? Sure! Just how with other forms of sex might involve contact with small amounts of pee.

You are correct that some people do give themselves enemas with water, but this shouldn't be necessary as these aren't always things we can control 100%!

I think some of this is about is about the comfort levels (and maturity levels) of your partners, not a problem of your cleanliness at all.

We have a good advice column on enemas, which describes how the anus works, why enemas aren't necessary (even if some people like them) and some background information: Should I use an enema?.

[andrej]

You are right, this is absolutely about comfort levels, but my comfort levels, not my partner's. He is very kind and sweet and would not bothered if something accidentally comes up. But I am freaking about that for some reason, I feel like I would be to embarrassed in that kind of situation so I just want to be able to control it as much as possible :S

[Siân]

Hi andrej, I get where you're coming from but the thing about bodies is there is a whole lot that we can't control - there are always going to be times where sex is silly or messy or doesn't go quite to plan. It sounds like you've got a partner who is understanding of that - which is great! - and of course your comfort levels are just as important. I think though that for your part it's more realistic to either accept that sometimes anal = traces of poop, and work out how to feel okay about that, or to focus on other sexual activities you're more comfortable with - does that make sense? Do you know what it is about the potential for mess that makes you feel uncomfortable?

[andrej]

I agree with everything you've said. I think it makes me feel embarrassed because I feel like it is my responsibility to be fully clean to make this experience most enjoyable for both me and my partner. But you do not think that it is possible I don't evacuate fully and am constantly constipated but got used to it so I don't feel it? Maybe that is a bit too much of a conspiracy theory haha but I guess my worst fear (for which I actually have no idea if it's possible or not) is for my partner to hit a actual poop (not just traces of it) inside me while having sex with me. I'm sorry if it's too graphic, don't know who else to ask about whether this is a real possibility or not >.<

[Sam W]

Hi andrej,

Unless you try to have anal sex when you're body is giving you signals to say "hey, we need to poop RIGHT NOW," the scenario you're describing just isn't going to happen. The anus and rectum aren't the same as the bowels, where poop is stored. They're the passage through which it travels on it's way out of the body. It sounds like reading this article may help you out a bit right about now: Anal Sex Lowdown.

I also want to touch on those feelings of responsibility you're describing. Where do you think that feeling comes from? Is it from media? Your partner? Something else? While it's good to try and make sex enjoyable for both you and your partner, it's important to keep in mind that sex, just like any activity that involves your body, can and will get a bit messy or awkward. And there's nothing wrong with that! Part of being ready for a given sexual activity is being ready to deal with any mess or bodily reactions that might happen during it. I really like the way this article talks about letting go of that need to be perfect and non-messy: The Sex Goddess Blues: Building Sexual Confidence, Busting Perfectionism.