Scarleteen

Hi guys! So basically I’ve noticed that almost every time my boyfriend fingers me i bleed a little afterwards. I haven’t had penetrative sex he’s only used his fingers. And he does go fast and hard but I’m not in pain afterwards. There’s just some bleeding that lasts for a few days (2-3). Should I be worried? Or could it be my hymen stretching every time?

Let's check in about a couple basic things that'll answer this for both of us:

1) Is he only inserting fingers (you say you haven't had sex with what you're calling "penetrative" but if by that you mean sex where something is inside your vagina, but it sounds like you're saying he has inserted his fingers ?) when you REALLY want him to, and in a way that feels nothing but good for you? In other words, do you want and very much like what he's doing? Do you WANT him to be doing this "hard and fast?"
2) Are you always sure to use plenty of lube at the start of this activity, and add more throughout as you need it?
3) Is he wearing latex gloves or, if not, is he making sure his hands are manicured enough for this -- nails cut short and filed so they don't have sharp edges, hangnails cut, etc.?
4) Are you very tiurned on before he does this, and do you stay turned on throughout?

1)yes he has only inserted his fingers. Nothing else but that. And yes it feels good to me and I give full consent to it. And as for the fast and hard part it’s just how we are in the moment and I’m not in pain and it turns me on.
2) we Dont use any lube and we’ve never used it. I usually am wet before he starts fingering me. Should We start using it?
3) no he does not wear latex gloves, but his nails are cut they aren’t long.
4) and yes i am turned on when this happens and I stay turned on.

Also another question: I’ve noticed that after that while I pee it kinda burns. It’s not like painful but it’s something I noticed and I never experienced it before. Could it be that I have cuts inside my vagina that’s causing the burning sensation? Or is it something else?

Thanks for getting back to me!
To answer yes he has only inserted his fingers and nothing else. And I always give full consent to it and it does feel good. And as for the the fast and hard part, it turns me on and I like it. And no we don’t use any lube, but should we start using some? Even if I’m already wet? And no he doesn’t use any gloves and his nails are short they aren’t long at all. And yes I do stay turned on through the whole process of it.
Also I have another question; afterwards I noticed I had a burning sensation while peeing. And this had never happened before. And it’s not painful I just noticed it. Could it be that I have a cut or something that’s causing this? Or is it something else?

By all means, if you're not using lube, that's likely at least part of why you are having bleeding. Ideally, especially with something like manual sex where fingers are inside your vagina, you want to use some lube when you start -- our own lubrication just doesn't hold up as well as the stuff made for this -- and then have both of you paying attention and adding it if you don't stay feeling very slippery.

If you are having burning when urinating, that is an indicator of a possible urinary tract infection. Those are very common (and all the more so when you're doing things like this, especially if your partner isn't always washing his hands first), so if you still feel that way, you'll need to see a healthcare provider.

If that's only temporary after this activity, it's likely due to irritation and friction, yet another big clue you need to be better lubricated than you think you do. Too, it may be that between the irritated urethra and the bleeding after, your body is trying to tell you that you're going TOO hard or fast (and without enough lube, no less) and your body is not as into it as your head is. It is totally possible to be very in the moment but to also still be doing things that work for your body: "hard and fast" isn't the only way sexual intensity can look, you know? It may be you need to find a way to do things that turn you on but also are at least a little gentler on your body.

(For the record, a lot of young dudes, especially if they have been watching a lot of porn and getting their ideas about what to do that way, don't see to get that the vagina and it's related parts are strong, sure, but also pretty delicate, and just as much as their penises are. They will often need to be told this.)

One last thing: you say you always consent to this, but do you, yourself, actually ever ask for this, or is he the only one initiating it? If it's the latter, can I ask what you're initiating? Or if you're not, what you'd ask to do sexually if it was totally up to you and about your preferences and wants?

Thanks for responding! I will try it out with lube next time and see if there’s any difference. I will also try to do things differently and see if that helps out as well. Sometimes I do ask for it yes and it just happens but I’ve never felt as if he was doing it forcefully.
Also if the burning is due to urinary tract infection how can I heal this and how long with it take?
If it’s due to friction and irritation how long is it supposed to last for me to start to get worried?
Also is it normal that the bleeding happens almost every time? And how long is the bleeding supposed to last for that’s considered normal?

If the burning is still happening, then I would strongly advise you see a healthcare provider. If it is a UTI or something related, they'll prescribe you a special kind of antibiotic that works for those kinds of infections. If you are still feeling burning days after sex, it's not likely about irritation: it's more like a UTI. Don't wait to get seen: those can get really painful and can also spread to kidneys and get serious.

Bleeding is never supposed to happen, basically. Any time it does, it's about some kind of injury. There's no "normal" with bleeding and sex. If someone is bleeding, something is up, like them getting injured in some way or them having an infection or other health issue. Are you saying you are not only bleeding after this activity, but that you haven't stopped? Assuming it's not your period, how many days have you been having bleeding for?

I’ve only bled after getting fingered. I know for sure it Isn’t my period because I just had it last week. The fingering happened yesterday while he was fingering me. But right now I haven’t really been bleeding it’s like rarely any. When I wipe there Is some but not an alarming amount. Could this be a possible STI? If so what are some other symptoms?

It's unlikely it's an STI, but if you want to be screened for them when you get evaluated for what sounds like a possible UTI, that is certainly something you can ask for.

You already know what I'm sure it probably is: it's happening because your boyfriend and you are probably both being too rough AND you're doing a thing that generally requires lube (yep, even when people have some of the natural stuff going on) without using any. But if you want a second opinion of that, I'd say a healthcare provider would be the best person to get one from since it seems you need an evaluation for the burning you're having regardless.

Do you have access to healthcare?

Kinda, I mean I could make an appointment but I don’t want my mom or dad to know or to come with me. How could I go to a doctor without having my parents finding out if it is a UTI?

Well, for starters, UTIs happen for a bunch of reasons: sex is only one of them. So, if that's the concern, you certainly don't have to tell them why you think you're having these symptoms, just that you are.

But by all means, you can also make your own appointment with whatever doctor you see. It just will show up on your parents bill (that you had a visit, not the specifics) if you are using their insurance for that appointment, so if you're doing that, I'd just tell them you need to see the doctor and want to make an appointment instead of hiding it.

If you don't want them to even know that, then you'll need to see someone you can see without using your insurance, whether that's paying your existing doctor in cash, if they accept that, or going to a clinic like a Planned Parenthood or other community/public health clinic instead.

Alright I’ll look into it thank you. How long does the burning sensation last for me to know it’s not friction and irritation?

Well, I think what you'll want to do with that is first take a break from any sex that involves your genitals for a little bit, fingers (including your own with any masturbation) included.

If after a couple days -- or within them -- it stays the same or gets worse, or you start to have other symptoms (like feeling like you have to pee, but then going to go and finding you can't do more than push out a few drops, or like cramps or fever), then you have to figure it's about something besides surface irritation and you need some healthcare. Okay?

Okay. Could you please tell me other symptoms besides the burning for UTI?

I've covered most of them already, but sure.

Generally when someone has a UTI there will be:
• discomfort or pain when urinating
• a feeling of urgency to go, or like you have a full bladder but it'll be difficult to actually urinate, or you'll only be able to push out a few drops
• urine will be very yellow when it happens or smell strongly - when an infection has become more severe urine may have some blood in it
• cramps
• fever (those last three generally will only happen once someone has had a UTI for a while, though)

In the event you might be on the edge of getting one but don't have it yet, you might be able to fend it off at the pass with (again) taking a break from sex, drinking plenty of water (but don't go overboard and try and drink gallons or anything) and getting some rest.