am i being selfish?

[avaiara]

hi!
so my best friend and i have been close for as long as i can remember. always looking out for each other, etc. as best friends do.
well, lately, i’ve been in a bit of a money crunch and despite that, i still am able to set aside $10 or $20 to go out with her. i sometimes will buy her food or a drink, which i don’t think is weird.
but, i’ve noticed that whenever i don’t have that spare money to set aside, she doesn’t offer to buy things for me if we go out (not that i expect her to, but i do it for her and although i know i don’t HAVE to i do it because i love her and i like to treat my friends sometimes) and she always, ALWAYS has me pay her back, even if it’s $2.
again, which i don’t mind, but i feel kind of upset that i offer, even when struggling, and she won’t do the same for me.
we hung out with a mutual friend the other day and she offered to buy her food but has never done that for me. am i being too sensitive? too generous? selfish, maybe?

[Sam W]

Hi avaiara,

It sounds a little like, rather than you being, "too" much of anything, you and she may just have different habits around buying food for friends. Or she may have other reasons, but really the only way to learn what those are is to talk to her about this.

Going forward, it might help to decide how you want to behave around spending given what you know about this dynamic. If you're completely fine buying her food knowing she won't reciprocate, then you can keep doing just that. But if the dynamic feels uneven and that's starting to feed a little resentment on your end, it's okay to maybe not spend money on her for bit (especially if funds are already a little tight).