Torn and conflicted

[MartinSmartin]

Hi thank you for this site. I have some problems and I hope anyone can help. These problems are really destroying me. I'm very depressed and about to give up on ever meeting anyone or going on any dates ever.
I'm a guy who grew up fat, I've lost about 100 pounds 40 to go, shy and full of religious guilt and fear from an abusive childhood.
I had one girl friend who I went out with for a year who did not want to have sex and I respected that. And I've had two other chances to have sex but was so nervous and scared I could not get an erection. All three girls were nice looking. The last girl was upset I could not have sex and really pressured me and made me feel bad about it. Somehow along the way I've discovered deep down inside I believe:
Liking girls is bad and embarrassing. I fell guilty for this and angry too because I was brain washed into believing this which has made me very fearful of women.
Sex is a bad thing.
Women are bad. Women don't like men or sex.
These are things I was raised to believe from an abusive childhood and screwed up religious views.
I just want someone to tell me the truth. I have searched the internet and cannot find the truth. All i find is dont do this, dont do that and some very confusing information. So I hope you take my questions seriously and answer them truthfully and direct as you can. I don't have anyone else to talk to.
Do women like guys?
Is it ok to like women?
Is it ok to compliment women?
Do women like sex?
Is it ok for me to want sex ?
Is it ok for me to want a girlfriend?
Do women hate men and me?
Thank you

[Breeze1892]

Hi, Martin. Sad story there but the only answer to all your questions excluding the last is YES!!!. As much as we hate to admit it even wants to be loved and deserves to be no matter you physical attributes.

I've also been in the kind of situation where I was always afraid of talking to girls because they always scared me and being a shy kid didn't help matters either. Though it was tough I decided that making friends with a girl is not scary if you just be yourself and realize that everyone needs to know that they deserve someone who's always there to watch over them.

Most of us have been brought up with thoughts that sex is bad and probably the worst thing on Earth but these are mainly based on religious beliefs. Depending on your religion you've probably been told that premarital sex is a bad thing. Not so sure what to say there as I'm also in a conundrum about it. Probably think the best thing to do is to talk to someone who's much older.

Hope this helps and good luck on your weight reduction.

[Mo]

Hi Breeze, this area is for staff & volunteer replies only. But I think this is a conversation that might be good to have elsewhere on the forums if y'all want to do that! I think this is definitely a helpful discussion to have.

Martin, the big thing I want to leave you with is that women aren't a monolith, they're individuals. So not every woman is interested in men or in sex with men, but plenty are. Some women will want to be complimented or asked on a date, some won't. It's definitely fine for you to be interested in sex and dating women; there's nothing wrong with that at all.

But I think one reason you're not finding the truth about women and how they feel by searching online is that there's no way to know how every woman feels, you know? The vast majority of women in the world don't even know you, so they won't have any opinion about you at all. It may help to spend some time just getting to know women as people, and get used to interacting with them in low-stakes, low-pressure ways before you spend a lot of energy trying to approach them for dates.

Have you sought out any counseling or other help for your depression? If that's something that's at all accessible to you, I think that would be a good step as well.

[MartinSmartin]

Hi Breeze thanks for replying. And also Mo.
I will post this one the public part then.

[MartinSmartin]

You both have a happy thanksgiving