Scarleteen

Im a girl, early twenties.

Basically, Ive been having really disturbing sex dreams ever since I can remember. I will dream about rape scenarios with really old men. Or dreams where im doing things to a really hideous girl. Im worried because i will get really turned on about them, but when i wake up im disgusted, because obviously that sort of thing does NOT turn me on.

I dont masturbate and ive never had sex, and have coined with the idea of being asexual because in real life im not interested in sex.

However, these dreams arent just occassions, but ALL THE TIME. Every single week.

I know it sounds stupid, but i dont know why im having these dreams and because theyre so often im finding it disturbing. I dont like old men, but im always dreaming of rape but in a way where i will get turned on (obviously i am VERY against rape in real life and it is NOTHING i would ever want, which is why im getting upset).

Sometimes i like the idea of having a dominant partner and being submissive, but at the same time, i am so headstrong and independent and can be quite controlling and possessive that im just so confused about what it is.

any insight at all?

Hi Jashatia,

It can be frustrating when it feels like our brains are doing something that we don't understand. In the case of dreams, it can help to think of it as your brain basically making idea salad; it's tossing things together that don't necessarily reflect what you do or what you want in real life. Sometimes that can include creating a wet dream of something that you definitely are not into in your waking life. In other words, these dreams may not have anything to do with, or tell you anything about, your actual sexuality or sexual preferences.

Too, it may help to pay attention to whether there are patterns to things like the type of media you consume before having these dreams that make them more likely to occur. Does that seem like something you could try tracking?

As an aside, people of all personality types can and do enjoy taking a submissive role during sex. So liking those fantasies from time to time actually doesn't contradict your personality. Although, if you notice you have a tendency to be possessive or controlling, that may be something to address in other ways, as those habits can lead to rough situations for you and for other people.

Dreams are a mess, and they don't necessarily reflect the real you. They are random images firing in your brain and triggered by one thing or another (that may have no conscious bearing on anything). They may recur because your brain is paving familiar pathways along the lines you describe. Don't worry about it and just embrace your dreams as the nonsense they are. I find that once I stop worrying about something it tends to go away. I have had some really messed up dreams about sex, along lines I'm not into and wouldn't likely ever happen. But I don't worry about it. I ignore it and own my life until dreams are just an annoying background noise.