Confused

[flannelwearer]

Heyo.
So, I'm 14, and might be going through the "experimentation" phase of adolescence. I'm female, and have recently become more and more attracted to other females. My mother doesn't think I'm gay, but I'm beginning to wonder if I am? How do I know if this is a phase, and how do I know if it is? My mother also thinks I'm too young to be able to tell, which just makes me feel more confused. None of my other friends seem to be going through confliction, so I'm almost at a loss. At the moment, I'm feeling next to no attraction to guys, but there still is some. Am I bi, lesbian, or is it too early to be able to tell? Any help is appreciated.

Thanks in advance!

[Siân]

hey flannelwearer,

So your mother may be knowledgeable about many things, but the only authority on your sexuality is YOU. There's no set timeline for being sure of your sexuality - some people seem to have grown up with the knowledge of who they are, whilst others are growing, changing and figuring it out their whole lives.

I get that it's confusing not knowing, but how about rather than trying to decide for absolute sure you work on being comfortable with questioning, and sitting with how things are just now? Like you said in your post right now you're increasingly attracted to people of the same gender, and very little to men. Maybe you'll come to describe yourself as lesbian, or bi, or queer but for now, is that little sentence enough?

You might like this article: Q is for Questioning

What do you think?

[Mo]

One thing I think is interesting is that I've never heard an adult tell a straight preteen or teenager that they're "too young" to know that they're straight. A lot of people take it for granted that heterosexual attraction is present at a young age but think people can't have or be certain of other kinds of attraction at that same age, but in reality that's pretty clearly inaccurate.
You may not yet know exactly what your feelings of attraction mean in terms of your orientation, but those feelings are definitely real and I think that's important to keep in mind, even if your mom seems to doubt it.

[flannelwearer]

Thank you!
I'll try to keep you updated as time goes on. As of now I'm heavily attracted to this one girl, so we'll se where things go from there!

[Siân]

Great, looking forward to your updates!