When does a fantasy become sexual assault?
Posted: Fri Aug 23, 2019 10:03 am
Content note: very explicit, detailed and sexualized description of sexual violence and abuse. - H
So I have been seeing my current boyfriend for awhile now. He himself is not very sexually adventurous but he is okay with me being sexually adventurous. For example he is not into having MMF sex but he allows me to have MMF sex with two other guys. I also think he is kind of turned on by me having sex with other guys (though he had never verbally said so). So recently I wrote a journal that contained a sexual fantasy I had. The sexual fantasy was 5 guys that I didn't know having very rough almost forced group sex with me at a party after everyone else had left. Well I shared this fantasy with my boyfriend and told him it was something I wished I could try in real life but didn't know how to make it happen safely. He didn't say much about it and we didn't speak of it again.
This is where it gets strange. Two nights ago we went back to his place and started having sex. He said he wanted to try something and blind fold me. I agreed. He was having sex with me doggy style (while I was blind folded) when he said wait one second. I assumed he was going to get a toy or something to use on me. He left the room for a minute and then I heard him come back in. I was still in doggy style position and he came up behind me and started giving me oral. Then eventually he started penetrating me again with his penis. At this point i started to think something was up as his penis felt different, bigger and a different shape. I decided to keep going along with it however. He then used his hands to get me to change position to missionary, with out saying anything. I continued to go along with this blindfolded. He continued having sex with me in this position faster and faster. Then all of a sudden he took off my blindfold and I was looking up at a handsome stranger (not my boyfriend) the stranger then thrusted deep inside me and ejaculated in me without a condom. I was genuinely shocked. He pulled out and started getting dressed, i asked who he was but all he said was Mike. Then he left, while I laid there speachless. I eventually got up and looked around my boyfriend's place for him but he was no longer there, so I locked up and went home. I haven't talked to my boyfriend since for two reasons, 1. He had not tried to contact me and 2. I don't know how I feel about it yet.
So here are my questions: Even if I enjoyed this, my boyfriend and I never discussed this situation, it is not exactly the fantasy I shared with him, I's this sexual assault? And if it is, who is responsible? My boyfriend or the stranger or both? Can I really put any blame on them when I knew something was up once I got penetrated but allowed it to continue anyways? Also is it messed up if I am am actually fine with the whole situation? Does that make me a bad person? When I think about it right now I am turned on by it and thankful to my boyfriend but I wonder will my feelings change about this? And is it okay if I am fine with it for now but in 6 months change my mind and am not okay with it?
I know that is a lot of questions but I am still processing it all.
So I have been seeing my current boyfriend for awhile now. He himself is not very sexually adventurous but he is okay with me being sexually adventurous. For example he is not into having MMF sex but he allows me to have MMF sex with two other guys. I also think he is kind of turned on by me having sex with other guys (though he had never verbally said so). So recently I wrote a journal that contained a sexual fantasy I had. The sexual fantasy was 5 guys that I didn't know having very rough almost forced group sex with me at a party after everyone else had left. Well I shared this fantasy with my boyfriend and told him it was something I wished I could try in real life but didn't know how to make it happen safely. He didn't say much about it and we didn't speak of it again.
This is where it gets strange. Two nights ago we went back to his place and started having sex. He said he wanted to try something and blind fold me. I agreed. He was having sex with me doggy style (while I was blind folded) when he said wait one second. I assumed he was going to get a toy or something to use on me. He left the room for a minute and then I heard him come back in. I was still in doggy style position and he came up behind me and started giving me oral. Then eventually he started penetrating me again with his penis. At this point i started to think something was up as his penis felt different, bigger and a different shape. I decided to keep going along with it however. He then used his hands to get me to change position to missionary, with out saying anything. I continued to go along with this blindfolded. He continued having sex with me in this position faster and faster. Then all of a sudden he took off my blindfold and I was looking up at a handsome stranger (not my boyfriend) the stranger then thrusted deep inside me and ejaculated in me without a condom. I was genuinely shocked. He pulled out and started getting dressed, i asked who he was but all he said was Mike. Then he left, while I laid there speachless. I eventually got up and looked around my boyfriend's place for him but he was no longer there, so I locked up and went home. I haven't talked to my boyfriend since for two reasons, 1. He had not tried to contact me and 2. I don't know how I feel about it yet.
So here are my questions: Even if I enjoyed this, my boyfriend and I never discussed this situation, it is not exactly the fantasy I shared with him, I's this sexual assault? And if it is, who is responsible? My boyfriend or the stranger or both? Can I really put any blame on them when I knew something was up once I got penetrated but allowed it to continue anyways? Also is it messed up if I am am actually fine with the whole situation? Does that make me a bad person? When I think about it right now I am turned on by it and thankful to my boyfriend but I wonder will my feelings change about this? And is it okay if I am fine with it for now but in 6 months change my mind and am not okay with it?
I know that is a lot of questions but I am still processing it all.