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There's this guy in my friend group and I really dislike him.
Posted: Tue Sep 03, 2019 7:45 pm
by furthermore
I have this great group of friends. I love all of them--except for this one guy. We'll call him N. He's so creepy ( I've talked to other girls in the group and they agree). He's almost 17, and I'm 14. He's said he's had a crush on a 13 year old. He flirts with every teen girl he comes across, he's sexist, he gets unnecessarily angry over absolutely nothing (like us changing plans to include more people, something we've done for him in the past) and he just really gets on my nerves. I've tried giving him signals (I recently rejected him at his prompting, he still hasn't really stopped his behavior) and he doesn't catch on. And I really want to get him out of the group but some of the other guys that I enjoy hanging out with like him. Is it rude or bullying for me to exclude N? And even if it isn't, how do I do that with some of my friends still wanting to hang out with him?
Sorry this is all over the place, I'm very confused and I don't know what to do.
Re: There's this guy in my friend group and I really dislike him.
Posted: Wed Sep 04, 2019 6:16 am
by Heather
Welcome to the boards, furthermore.
I don't think it's rude to want to get someone to leave your friend group who is giving the more vulnerable people in it (in this case, the girls) the creeps, who is sexist, and who is crummy about boundaries. In fact, I think that's likely in the best interest of all of your safety. What we should do with someone who is bad about boundaries, is throwing out anger at people all the time and is otherwise shitty is get away and stay away from them, for sure.
How able to you feel to talk to the guys who like him about this? I'd just suggest a conversation that basically goes something like, "I know you like this guy, but all the girls don't because he gives us the creeps and is lousy with boundaries. We don't want to hang out with him anymore. If you guys still do, can you do that on your own time, somewhere else, when we're not around?" Ideally, your guy friends will give af when the girls in their group are creeped out by a dude without boundaries and won;'t be so hot on hanging out with him, but at the very least, they should respect y'alls wishes NOT to be around this guy.