Scarleteen

Hi, I’m a 13 almost 14 year old female. I have wanted a vibrator for some time now. But I’m very scared to ask my grandma that I live with because my mom is in and out of my life. I want to ask but can’t get up the courage to. I feel like if I ask and get told no she will tell my mom (that she sometimes talks to) and my aunts. I’m nervous because I feel like she tells everyone our business and it somehow gets back to me. I’ve talked to her about keeping things like my period a secret but I feel like she doesn’t get it and tells my family members anyways. Also I’m scared that once she talks to my mom she will ask her what to do and get told no because she hasn’t been around and still thinks of me being a little girl since she’s never around. Also I have even had the sex talk yet... I went to sex Ed and even told her to sign the pages to my work book they gave us and I went over the questions with her every night. And Because the only way she knew about sex was from a book her mom put in the bathroom she isn’t very comfortable talking about this stuff. I’m sure my sister that is 3 years younger than me would ask her because she is more curious and open about that stuff than I am. I just really don’t know what to do. So please help and give me some advise.

Hi Yeahokay,

As far as getting a vibrator, if you're not comfortable talking to grandmother about getting one, there are actually ways you can safely D.I.Y one at home. You can read all about those here: D.I.Y. Sex Toys: Self-Love Edition.

It also sounds like this is part of a bigger issue where you feel like there's not an adult in your life who you can ask about things like sex or your period who will keep the conversation private. Do I have that right? And with your grandmother, when you've asked her not to spread things you tell her around how did she respond?

If you've feeling like the sex ed you've gotten so far hasn't been very helpful, that's also something we're happy to help with, both by giving you things from our site and other resources that you might find helpful.