Scarleteen

Hi Scarleteen,

Within the last month I had sex with two new partners, both cis men. These experiences were consensual and felt pretty good, and we used condoms. They were also both pretty casual encounters; I don't know if I'll see either of them again, and I likely won't have sex with either of them again.

BUT a few days after the second encounter I found a bump on my labia.... I went to a walk-in clinic and saw the doctor there. She took a swab as I was worried it was herpes, but so far the test has been negative; she also thought that it didn't seem like herpes but is probably a genital wart, HPV. She said "probably"; and that I should go to the sexual health clinic here to get it treated/checked out. I made an appointment at that clinic but they can't see me for another month still.

I have a lot of anxiety about what to do; it's pretty much entirely around telling these past two partners; if it's something I should tell them or not... First of all, the doctor didn't really give me a clear 100% diagnosis regarding HPV. I hope that when I get to the health clinic they will be able to give me a clear diagnosis and hopefully, if it is HPV some kind of treatment to get the wart cleared up. And then I can also tell any future partners that I have had a positive HPV diagnosis, and they can make informed decisions based on that.

But I don't know what to do about these recent partners... who I am worried I may have exposed unknowingly to this virus (although I know i could also have gotten it from them -- or another partner in the more distant past, even). I feel like I should tell them but... I don't really have a clear diagnosis yet. And I don't really understand the health implications for cis men; like I know HPV can cause cancer for them, but there's no test in my province for them to see if they have it. So do I need to say something? It makes me so so anxious to think about it, especially contacting people I might not otherwise talk to again/don't know very well about this.

I don't know how I would go about doing that/ I need a clear understanding of why it's important for their health or health of future partners... I understand that most people get exposed to HPV if they are sexually active... but I still feel frustrated and kind of ashamed, and like I will have this thing hanging over me forever. If I do need to talk to them I don't want to do it in this headspace in which I will feel ashamed and apologetic. I didn't have any symptoms until after these sexual encounters. I just need some help here.

Hi LisaS1234, and welcome to Scarleteen.

Ultimately, it's your choice whether to talk to these previous partners about your diagnosis, once you have one. However, I think letting them know is a good idea, if you're able to get in touch with them; while they may not have access to testing, it will help them make more informed choices around safer sex with their future partners.
This article, about talking to partners about having an STI, might be helpful to read: When, Where and Why: Telling Your Partner You Have an STI. It focuses a bit more on telling current/potential partners than on contacting previous partners, but I think it may still be helpful.

In terms of how to tell someone about having HPV (assuming that's the issue; hopefully you can get more clarity on this after your upcoming appointment), you could send a short message that says something like "I wanted to let you know that I was recently diagnosed with HPV; because it's easy to transmit, even when using condoms, I'm letting you know so you can take that under consideration with future partners." You could even link them to some of our HPV content if you think that might be helpful to include.

Thank you Mo, that's helpful. Still waiting to see the doctor so I haven't done anything yet. But this has relieved some anxiety about what to do once/if I have a diagnosis.

Great, I'm glad that was helpful!

Hi,

I know this was a while ago but I never followed up. I think I should just in case someone else reads this since I definitely learned something from this experience. I have had an abnormal pap smear which indicates HPV (LSIL) but I don't think I necessarily contracted it from those encounters. By the time I got in at the sexual health clinic (about a month after finding this lump), it had disappeared. The doctor there said it wouldn't have been a genital wart because they don't just go away on their own that quickly and it would be unusual to have just one.

This reassured me initially, but I did end up having a conversation with a family member who is a physician about this lump a while later. She pointed out that a single, painless nodule, which goes away after a few weeks, is one of the first signs of syphilis. And we are in the midst of a syphilis outbreak where I live (I think this is generally true in north america). The nodule also showed up within the typical time frame after those most recent encounters. I did have blood work done for this and it came back negative... so all good on that front.

It was notable though that I was examined by two different health care providers and neither of them suggested that this was a possibility or something I should get tested for. I was really glad that I told that family member because if it had been syphilis I would have wanted to know asap and also tell past partners of course.

Just wanted to bring this up; it probably varies based on the area and maybe even the person, but if you have a similar experience to me you might want to look into this possibility just in case.

Hi Lisa,

Thank you for the update! I'm glad you were able to access the healthcare you needed to set your mind at ease, and that you have family member you're comfortable discussing things like those symptoms with.

How are things going for you generally? We know the current pandemic can be adding stress to people's lives, so we're just checking in with our users to see how they're doing.[EDIT TO ADD: I just your other post, which answers this question in a big way]