Oral sex

[shysinger21]

Me and my boyfriend are going to have oral sex, but I don't know if we are going to use any protection. I am scared of getting some type of disease, and I don't know what he would say if I do ask if we can use protection. I have never been sexually active before but my boyfriend has.

[Gone.Sorry.]

Sorry my post is a bit rushed - it sounds like this may be something that you expect to happen rather soon, so I just wanted to get some thoughts out here for you ASAP!

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If someone can't respect that you want to use protection, especially without any STI screenings beforehand, then they're unsafe because they do not respect your boundaries!

Possibly you're afraid of seeming "uncool" or like a "prude" but please realize those are subjective and not actually bad things.

Using protection is a great ask and a great idea. It's really reasonable and responsible of you to want to use protection! If your boyfriend doesn't want to use protection and agrees that means you shouldn't have sex, then at least he's listening to you! If your boyfriend refuses and tries to pressure you into having sex that you're uncomfortable with (ex. unprotected oral), then firmly tell him "then we can't have sex" and leave immediately. Is there a friend you trust that you can have 'on call'? You could send them a text so they can check in on you or pick you up somewhere (if they're able to). It might help you feel more courageous and able to uphold your very reasonable boundaries if you know you've got your friend waiting at the other end of the phone.

I hope that you feel safe enough talking with your boyfriend about this. It's really important in any relationship that you feel safe and listened to when you talk to the other person, and it's really important to be a safe person to talk to. If you don't feel safe enough to bring this up to your boyfriend, perhaps put off seeing him and text him about your questions and concerns before you meet up in person.

If your boyfriend is worth it, he'll be happy to listen to you and happy to use protection.

I'm here for virtual hugs if you want them.

I'm sure you'll see some staff drop by here sometime soonish to help cover any medical worries aspect of your post, as well!

If you do end up having unprotected sex, you're not a bad person and you didn't do anything wrong, and we can help you with any next steps to ensure and check for a clean bill of health, okay?

[Sam W]

Hi Shysinger,

Cosigning everything HorribleGoose said about talking with your boyfriend! Is there a particular reason you're unsure about how your boyfriend will react to your asking to use safer sex supplies? For instance, has he expressed opinions about them before or talked about how he thinks sex without them is "better?"

Your instinct to use safer sex supplies for oral sex is a really good one, because oral sex still carries a risk of STI transmission. So you'll want to use barrier methods to be as safe as possible. Those methods could be condoms or dental dams, which you can read all about here: All the Barriers! All the Time!