Scarleteen

Hello, so I'm 24, queer, and (afab) nonbinary. I've identified and been out as queer for like 5+ years, but nonbinary for only a couple, and I just officially started coming out about it this year.

I've just started a new relationship, the first since identifying as nonbinary. They are cis, but really sweet, and supportive.

So a couple of issues I've been having, mostly revolving around gendered language/terms.

I hate every gender neutral name for a relationship that I've been able to find. I think "significant other" is too much of a mouthful, "partner" has this living together for several years connotations in my head, "lover" is just too intimate and cheesy for me, "datemate" is the only one I think is cute, but it runs the problem of not being common vernacular, and also not sounding as serious. I read a whole bunch of lists with other suggestions, birlfriend, enbyfriend, etc. but none of them were right either.

I'm just wondering if there are any better options. I know they would like for me to feel
better than "meh" preferably "good" about what they call me.


My second thing, which is extremely awkward for me is basically: I'm looking for a gender neutral statement of praise, akin to "good girl/good boy" that one could call an nb with a lowkey praise kink? So far I haven't been able to come up with anything? This is so embarrassing to ask, but Google has nothing, and I don't know where else to go for LGBTQ sex advice.

Hi nbq,

It's awesome that your partner is supportive, and that you're both trying to figure out what language feels right to you! I can think of few non-gendered options, and hopefully other staff or volunteers have ones to add, although you may have already run across them and decided they're not for you, and that's okay too. "My sweetheart/sweetie" are not as clunky and carry a clear meaning, but can feel too cutesy to some. I've also known people who used "other half," as well as loveperson (that friend also used "lover" so I think they had a fondness for terminology that included that word).

With the praise language, have you tried out something where you put a pet name in place of the gendered term? Too, does it work for you if it's "good (your name here)?" I know for some people find they like having a partner use phrasing like, "my good (your name)."