Scarleteen

I want to add my story on here.

I was sexually assaulted October 18, 2017. Coming back with friends and friends of friends from a Bruno Mars concert. Little family wagon, I was in the far back seat with an older boy I did not know but he was fun to be around with. He started touching me, initially I was okay with it, I enjoyed the attention from him. He was the first boy to put his hand up my shirt, I stupidly allowed that. But when he tried to reach under my skirt I could not do that, I slightly pushed him away and gave a dumb laugh. He tried a few more times, each time I was pushing him away but I was doing my best on not causing a scene. It was dark, the girls in front of me had headphones on and looking at their cell phones, the others in front of them didn't even notice us. But he kept trying, and he started whispering if he could finger me for a few minutes. I could either scream and cause an uproar and make everybody look at me like I was causing a problem, or I could just stop fighting over this. I let him do it, and I let him because I was tired of pushing him away and I didn't want to create a scene and make my friends wonder why I caused a problem.
That concert was my birthday present, something that my friends got me and somehow they kept it a secret. I just turned 14 a month prior, BIG Bruno Mars fan, and I was climbing the walls when I got that gift. In the end it was a gift I wished I never received.
A little personal here but it took me several months before I was able to just explore myself and enjoy myself again.

That is my story.

I'm so sorry that someone did this to you, LaceyRose, but I am so glad that you felt able to let it out and talk about it.

How would you like to take this from here? Do you want to talk more about it, or talk about healing, or would you rather just leave this for now, because you mostly just wanted to get this out somewhere? <3

thanks Heather. Adding my story was good enough. Maybe other girls on here can read this and know that screaming and causing a scene is okay.

It certainly is. It's also deeply, deeply common for any of us to freeze when assault is happening to us (been there, and more than once), and to also obey all of the bullshit we have absorbed from being socialized as women or girls and to feel the way you felt in that moment: like you couldn't or shouldn't scream or cause a scene.

My friend Mona Eltahawy, who had already experienced sexual assault earlier in her life and was not able to fight back then, found herself able to do it later in life. You might find her story and what she has to say about it fortifying: https://stepfeed.com/this-egyptian-femi ... rious-1581

Thanks Heather, and I did save that link you posted and will read it later.
I do wish I did more that night. Everybody had such a wonderful night and I guess I couldn't do anything as it would have ruined everybody's night. In the end it was only my night that was ruined, but I still wish I could have ruined his instead.

That's a completely understandable wish, especially if you're feeling like that pressure to not "ruin" anybody else's night contributed to how you felt you had to react in the moment. Goodness knows that people who choose to assault others deserve to have their nights ruined.