Can't penetrate myself.

[throwaway2626]

Hi, this is a throwaway account, I also plan to see a gyno (already made appointment) but will not be seeing them for a few weeks.

So masturbating is something I do often. I only ever stimulate my clitoris, so I experience my orgasms from that. I'm a 23 y/o virgin, and yesterday I tried to penetrate myself with a finger. When I try, there's this... bulge(?) once I try to enter with my finger. When I'm sitting or standing, I can't penetrate myself at all, because it gets in the way.
I can only do it when I lay down; I can slip my finger in by going under the bulge (which is located at the ceiling inside of the vagina, a centimeter or two from the entrance). It doesn't feel like a small lump or anything like that, it has ridges and the texture of a vaginal wall, and it doesn't hurt when I rub it. But once I try slipping another finger, that's when I start to feel stretched out and experience pain. + I get wet fine, I self-lubricate quite a lot.

I checked myself in the mirror today, and there's this pinkish thing covering the entrance of my vagina. I don't think that's the hymen though, because I don't know if the hymen is supposed to be in the shape of a large bulge from the roof of the vagina. I googled and there's results for prolapse, which could be the case, but I don't have any of the symptoms other than just the bulging itself. It's making it difficult to slip anything in, I can't imagine how my bf is gonna be able to penetrate me at all if I can only slip one finger in when only I'm laying down.

Is this normal? What is the inside of the vagina supposed to feel like when you insert?
https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/6 ... ds_vagina/
This post also resembles exactly what I am experiencing.

Thanks for the help in advance, any advice or personal experiences would be appreciated.

[Heather]

It's possibly two things:

1) It could be your cervix, and not because it's prolapsed.

At certain times in the fertility cycle, when a person isn't all that sexually aroused, and/or because of certain angles sometimes, the cervix will be very close to the opening as you're describing.

(That reddit post you attached isn't your situation, so I'm not addressing that here, because that doesn't seem helpful to me, particularly since it's about someone's experience whose body parts these aren't.)

2) It's simply the way the vagina and the vaginal wall tend to be and can look.

That "bulge" could be the anterior wall of the vagina and the area most often called the urethral sponge (which also is part of what people usually call the G-spot). It tends to feel kind of spongy, almost like a softer, wet loofah sponge, if that helps. You say it has ridges, so it seems more like to be this than the cervix, which is very smooth. It also will feel hard because of the pubic bone that is behind it.

The issues you're having won't likely be issues for a partner, because I suspect the barrier this is presenting to you is largely because of a lack of angles and leverage you have on your own, with your own hands and arms.

You say you start feeling pain: is that around this area, or are you talking about the vaginal opening? Or your vagina on the whole?

[throwaway2626]

Thanks for the quick response.

Yeah, it does feel kind of spongey, soft and ridgey. When I'm sitting and spread myself to see what my vagina looks like in the mirror, I don't see a 'hole', it's covered by it and it's pink. Feels almost like slime, that's the closest I can describe the texture to. So I was wondering what the heck it was.

I start feeling pain once I try inserting two fingers in while I'm laying down, and it feels like someone is trying to split me apart. I can't insert my finger at all while I'm sitting or standing, unless I try forcing it in (which hurts).

So I try touching the bulge, and it doesn't really make me feel anything other than making me want to pee a little, but that's as far as it goes. It's just incredibly inconvenient, because when I want to insert anything, my finger has to go underneath the bulge to actually go into my vagina.

[Heather]

You're welcome.

So what you're seeing is how the vagina usually looks when nothing is inside of it. When something isn't inside the vagina, you can't really see its opening very clearly, because it's collapsed on itself. That's typical, and nothing to worry about.

It sounds very clearly to me, now, like you're just touching and seeing the anterior wall of your vagina, which includes the urethral sponge (again, also the g-spot), which is why touching it can sometimes make you feel like you have to pee. That feeling of slimeyness is just how the lubrication tends to feel inside the vagina.

It sounds like the pain you're having is probably just because a) two fingers just doesn't feel good to you, b) you aren't turned on enough or using enough lube, c) you don't have an angle for this that feels good, or d) any combo of the above. It's not likely about an anatomical problem or an infection, but since you're going to a GYN soon, you can certainly rule both out there.

(Btw, if "vagina" isn't language that works for you for this anatomy with your gender identity, please let me know what it does and we can switch to that if we keep talking.)

[throwaway2626]

Yeah, I've tried small toys and two fingers, all of that-- but everything just hurt because of that thing and I never quite have been able to experience pleasure through it. One finger is my limit, and it has to go under something to actually enter the vagina. That being said, I don't use lube and rely on my own lubrication, so that could also be a reason why. I have experienced zero pain or any inconveniences from this, only just discovered it once I tried penetrating myself. So I ruled out anything life-threatening or something particularly harmful, lol.

Thank you for that, btw! I'm fine with terms like vagina, I actually don't mind biologically-female terms used for my parts since I do consider them exactly that.

I appreciate your advice, I guess the only way to be 100% certain is to have a gynecologist examine it.

[Heather]

By all means, it sounds like you'd feel better with a second opinion from someone who can examine you, so I'd follow through with that! I also think that starting sexual healthcare early is usually a good idea in general. It's a lot easier to do it that way then when we have a pressing health need or crisis.

By all means, not using additional lubricant for any kind of entry (I'm not personally a fan of the term "penetrate," which I feel like is needlessly violent, given the literal definition, but which also really misrepresents how that anatomy works) with either the vagina or anus will often result in pain, and if not in pain, sure doesn't help things feel good. Lube is pretty essential for most people most of the time for this kind of activity. It also will usually improve how things like stimulation to the external portions of the clitoris feel, even if that feels pretty good already.

It really sounds to me like this is probably just a matter of the limitations of this kind of activity with only your own reach and without lube. I'd not assume this will be an issue with a partner -- assuming you still do things like use lube, get sexually excited first and and not do anything that doesn't feel really good -- but obviously, we'll just have to see and take it from there, you know?

I do want to be sure and add, though, that most of us will have at least some ways of being sexual that we don't want or don't feel good, and there's no wrong or right things with any of that: just how our unique bodies and sexualities work, and what we all uniquely want and don't. So, in the event it turns out -- be it temporarily or in general -- that sex where it's about fingers, a penis or toys inside your vagina isn't your thing? That's just as okay as it would be if it was.

[throwaway2626]

I think I should really invest in some lube and try things again the next time. The good news is, I do find it possible to insert something into myself, so that's better than not being able to insert anything at all. I'm definitely more on the inexperienced side regarding my own body, so this is all new to me. I went in expecting the vagina to accommodate to sizes easily without much pain, but I was wrong there. I think some of this thinking comes from hearing stories about how my friends and random people (like in porn) have sex without much preparation, so I thought lube wasn't as necessary. But now I know it definitely is.

Also, I had no idea the vagina was supposed to collapse on itself and look 'covered' when it wasn't being used. That definitely makes me feel better lol.

I'll keep that in mind! I just told my bf about it, and he's been amazingly understanding. We plan to try things regardless even if it doesn't get to the act of PIV sex, but we're going to buy plenty of condoms and lube just in case we want to try.

[Heather]

You know, I respect that you clearly feel that being able to insert something is better than not. But it really would be okay in general if you couldn't. Some people can't, for any number of reasons, or just don't want to, and have sex lives that are no less satisfying then they would be if that kind of sex was included. I assure you!

In porn, just to be clear, there usually IS preparation...it just usually isn't filmed or included in the edit you see on the viewer end. Porn performers need to and do warm up for certain kinds of sex, too. I can't speak for your friends, but I can say that as a sex educator, I feel like a lot of people often don't account for various kinds of "foreplay" (for lack of a better term) they engage in. So many people only count other kinds of genital sexual activity as what gets people's bodies turned on, but in reality, what that can be is SO much more diverse: it can be things like talking about sex a lot first, having a great dinner, doing a bunch of massage or stretching, getting dressed up, the works. Chances are pretty good if your friends are being honest with you (and so often, people aren't, especially if they worry they're an outlier) that they really aren't engaging in vaginal entry and having it feel great with zero-anything-else ahead of time. That's just not usually how that anatomy works.

With your boyfriend, so long as it's something you two also want, I'd suggest that before going to PIV, y'all do something else first that can help you both learn more about what feels good for you, like using a toy together or having him start with his fingers. That way, you can start to learn and explore with things/activities that can be easier ways to find stuff out in this respect. If and when those ways of exploring seem to go well and feel good, then it makes more sense to step it up to something like PIV, where there are then two people's genitals involved, as well as more limited angles and some extra pressure (mostly when it comes to the urgency of erection). Get what I mean?

[throwaway2626]

Yes, thank you for the detailed response! I don't plan to resort to penetration if it doesn't feel comfortable. Like you said, there's definitely other ways to have sex without it being PIV. He's also a virgin, so I'll talk to him about it and see how we can make things work by discussing our likes, dislikes, etc. I appreciate all of your help btw! Thanks for taking the time to talk to me about this. Bless this site, lol.

[Heather]

You're absolutely welcome, I'm glad I was able to help. By all means, you don't *have* to have this be a throwaway account: if you have more questions later, you know where to find us!

[Katkel1998]

Hello. I'm almost 24 yo and seem to experience the exact same problem you had described 2 years ago. First of all I hope that everything went great and that you got over any inconvenience. I just wanted to ask if you feel comfortable answering of course, if all of these turned to be anatomically normal after you visited your gynecologist.
Thank you in advance!