Scarleteen

Hi, uh... I feel a bit awkard talking about this kind of stuff but I guess it's pretty normal here, so here goes:

I'm asexual (and female-bodied btw) and I want to have sex with my girlfriend. I've never done it before, or had I dated anyone before her. Actually the idea of sex used to repulse me, and still kinda does in a general way even though with her it doesn't.
Anyway, as an asexual I don't experience sexual attraction. And, idk, maybe I'm wrong, but I get the feeling that being allosexual comes with an "instinct" that I don't have, like you simply know what to do, and I'm afraid I won't know what to do when that happens. I don't want to be doing nothing, but I'm afraid whatever i do will feel forced...

Welcome to the site, Atlaos.

I think -- just like it should always be for anyone of any orientation -- for sex to be something right for anyone, taking all kinds of different motivations to be sexual into account, everyone in it has to feel like all they should ever be doing is what they want to do. So, I'd say if it winds up starting to feel forced, that you figure out what DOES feel right and adjust accordingly. If it turns out all of it feels forced and not like the right thing for you, then obviously you're going to have to talk about some larger adjustments, like you just not doing whatever sexual things didn't feel like something you wanted and that felt good.

In terms of what you DO do, again, regardless of orientation, sex with someone else, of any kind, is basically interpretive dance, not some precise waltz some people just know and others don't. We figure out what to do based on what we feel like doing and the other person does, learning as we go by being attentive and observant and communicating while we experiment.

But if you'd like, I can also think of a couple pieces here at the site that might be helpful for you per teaching some of the things you, and a lot of other people, don't just magically know or guess and find out by learning.

We saw Heather's quote about interpretive dance on tumblr, and my partner and I agreed that we do freestyle disco: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gTchxR4suto (just hoping that will make you feel a bit less worried about doing it wrong, Atlaos )