What should I do about the Trump-supporters in my life?

[cityofthedead]

I never started taking it as seriously as I should until now. Today being the last President’s Day before the next election reminded me how serious a problem in my life is that I didn’t even see as a problem (or as much of a problem) to begin with: There are people in my life who have in the last election and in the next election promise to vote for Donald Trump, a corrupt man with no regard for other people and unrepentantly violates the rights of others, exploits public trust, and puts others through excruciating pain, as president. I should’ve addressed this way sooner, but I haven’t truly taken this seriously until very recently. I hold a grudge against myself for that. I also hold grudges against those who I know or can see supporting Trump and his dangerous administration. Because these people in my life do a damn good job at disguising their ugly cores, in tandem with my effort to superficialize a fun, friendly attitude to maintain stable relationships with them, it would look like a nonissue if you were to see me and talk to me on a day-to-day basis. But the next election is around the corner, and this is the only place where I feel free to talk about this stuff.

[Mo]

This is something I know a lot of people have been struggling with for the past several years, and there isn't an easy answer. It can be hard to reconcile someone's kind behavior towards friends or family with their support of candidates or policies that cause severe harm to other people, or to discover that someone with a track record of unkindness in general feels a lot freer to be open about it.

Do you have a sense of what sort of conversations you might want to have with Trump supporters you know? Are you looking to share your views with them, try and have a back-and-forth dialogue about specific issues, let them know how you feel about their actions, or something else?

[cityofthedead]

Since I can’t change people’s minds or put an end to the madness Trump and his administration have been unleashing on America, as much as I wish I could, my question is and should be about what I feel is best for me to do (and what is best for me not to do) with people in my own personal life. It’s obvious that the Trump-supporters I am friends with (and in some cases, share a household with under certain circumstances) are cold, callous people whether they act like it or not. But I can’t just completely break off everything I have between Trump-supporters in my life because I see them and interact with them on a routine basis. So the best solution I have in mind is to set stiffer boundaries between me and Trump’s followers in my life to minimize my risk of being shunned, influenced, or manipulated. I will also do what I can to protect myself from being a witness or victim of dangerous, illegal, or otherwise unethical behavior. And if I discover a threat is imminent, I will address it to authorities as soon as I can.

I wish I could do more. Much more. But this is the very, very best I have in mind for the benefit of both myself and other people in my life, Trump-supporter or not. And I have good feelings about it. I really do.

[Heather]

That all sounds like the best approach, to be sure. (Btw, I'm glad you've come back around, cityofthedead.)

The other thing I'd just suggest is that you see what you can do to change the balance of people in your life so that maybe there are less of these folks compared to how many people you have in your life who are...well, not racist, sexist, xenophobic, generally self-centered and all the other bits that tend to go with Trumpiness.

[cityofthedead]

Thank you lots, Heather. I will add your advice to my solution. I will definitely spend more time with the folks in my life who are real friends and not deceitful delights who care about me, but not many others.

[Heather]

Hey there, cityofthedead: I've been thinking of you since the pandemic started, given how things can be for you at home. You doing okay?

[cityofthedead]

Short answer: Yes.

Long(er) answer: I’m doing totally fine. I am continuing to perform well academically with online learning and I have healthy relationships with everyone in every household I share (I periodically go to visit nearby relatives and stay overnight at their place). One of the people in one of the households I sometimes visit is a Trump-supporter. I can’t imagine this person being a misogynist, white supremacist, xenophobe, etc. I realize some of the things I’ve said on these boards made him sound like a bad person but he really isn’t one at all. He is very loyal and generous to me. We go far back with so many good times together. I know that if he saw me getting hurt, he would rush to my rescue. If he saw me hurting someone else (which I would never, ever do intentionally), he would stop me in my tracks and be bewildered and disappointed in me for some time afterwards. That’s nothing compared to a psycho president killing a country and potentially turning a democracy into a dictatorship. I just don’t get it. That’s all.

[Jacob]

So good to hear from you!

I really really don't get it either, but it's good that at least your relationship with this person doesn't feel like an issue right now!