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asking for a binder without outing myself??

Questions and discussions about gender, gender roles and identity.
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killerachilles
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asking for a binder without outing myself??

Unread post by killerachilles »

my mother is very transphobic in general and especially so to nonbinary identities (me!)
but i desperately need a binder as my chest dysphoria is getting very hard to handle. are there anyways i could ask her for one without outing myself?? shes very accepting of different sexualities so i was considering just telling her that im bi and its " a bisexual thing, you wouldnt get it" but sites like gc2b have many mentions of trans people so im not sure it would work. honestly at this point im considering just saving up money and having one of my out friends buy it for me. any advice?? thanks! :P
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Sam W
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Re: asking for a binder without outing myself??

Unread post by Sam W »

Hi killerachilles,

Ooof, I'm so sorry that your mom is transphobic and not a safe person for you to be out to. That can suck on so many levels, including when it comes to getting practical things like binders (if it's something you'd like support around, we're more than happy to talk with you about it here).

I think your instinct to go through a friend, rather than your mom, is a good one. As you pointed out, most binder sites mention gender identity, and she's likely to notice that. So, if you have a way to save up money for one and a friend who's up for ordering it for you, that's a great option. Are you planning to wear the binder at home, or only in places where your mom is unlikely to see it?

You could also look into a free binder program, especially if money is tight. These two both supply to the U.S: https://pointofpride.org/chest-binder-donations/, https://www.ftmessentials.com/pages/ftm ... er-program.
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.
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RavenKing
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Re: asking for a binder without outing myself??

Unread post by RavenKing »

There are other ways to 'bind' rather than just a binder, like you can use sports bras for instance, or layer clothing to decrease the amount of dysphoria you experience! i definitely recommend checking out other ways to bind (safely, of course). The next best option would definitely be going through a friend, thats how i got my first binder!
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Heather
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Re: asking for a binder without outing myself??

Unread post by Heather »

Great addition, RavenKing! I agree, one thing I know has worked for me in the past is getting a compression (not the kind that are really thin and very stretchy: the thicker kind that really hold you in) sports bra a size or so smaller than I wear, or wearing two compression sports bras at a time.
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
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0PT1M15T1C
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Re: asking for a binder without outing myself??

Unread post by 0PT1M15T1C »

I know this post is a little old, but I had this problem before with getting my binders.
For a long time my mom viewed it as a really stupid item and refused to let me have one, and honestly it took a really long time, which probably isn't what you want to hear. It wasn't even that she was more open with me being trans, it was that she saw how much I hated my chest and it affected me. So I'd definitely start dropping those things, like mentioning that you dislike that part, and making it seem more apparent. Believe it or not, it really didn't give away to anyone I was trans.
Also yes, I'd say go through a friend. Make sure you size yourself right and in my opinion if you feel you have a smaller chest, maybe broader shoulders go with GC2B for sure! Also unless you want issues with it sliding I'd also go with a half tank. ESPECIALLY with Underworks which is better for people with larger chests.
Be careful with your binder and trust me, don't go smaller, if you think it'll help it wont. It just hurts.
Also as far as dysphoria, it can be a total bitch don't even get me started but I found working out really helped a lot in decreasing size and also just making me feel more confident. It buffed out my shoulders and really just helped.
Now thankfully I have a fully supportive mom and she bought me my binders, but it took time! So hang in there, YOU GOT THIS!
You have the power to say "This is not how my story will end".
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