Scarleteen

So I (M18) never had any sexual encounter with a person before. However, I do mastrubate but only experience little to sometimes no pleasure. It’s like just touching any other part of your body and orgasms also don’t feel as good as I‘d like them to feel. This really stresses me out a little bit, since I always read about those story’s where people describe the whole thing as so pleasurable. I even tried different techniques, don’t watch porn at all, take my time, am always concentrating on what feels good and also stopped mastrubating for over a week, but without any improvements. Is this normal? And if so, does sex feel better than normal mastrubation? Because if not, for me, it seems like a waste of time if you just don’t feel satisfied and pleasured at all. I feel like I am doomed. Maybe I am overreacting or that is just how it is supposed to feel, but it is still sad.

Hi 90Hello09,

Plenty of people have run into instances where masturbation doesn't feel the way they expect it to or think it should. In fact, if you look around the message boards, or on our main site, you'll see that you're far from the first person to come to us with this kind of question. All that is to say that there's nothing wrong with you.

How masturbation feels depends on a number of things, and can ever vary for an individual person from day to day. A big factor in how it feels is how involved your brain is in the process. When you've tried masturbating, how turned on have you been mentally? Have you been fantasizing or otherwise thinking about things that make you aroused? Or have you been focused mainly on your body?

As for whether sex feels better than masturbation, the answer is that it will vary widely from person to person and instance to instance. Sometimes, especially if communication or connection with a partner is lacking, partnered sex can be boring, disappointing, or downright unpleasant. Sometimes a masturbation session hits the spot because what we need is the chance to be in total control of the experience or indulge in a favorite fantasy, and sometimes it leaves us feeling "meh" because out bodies aren't in the mood to do much or our brains are worried about whatever else we have to do that week. Does that make sense?

If it's okay, may I ask -

Are you masturbating and looking for a BAM moment of pleasure because you want to/you're horny and want to take care of it this way OR because that's what you've read/society has told you that you should do and that's how you should feel?

(For reference, I'm asking because I'm asexual and don't have a libido, but back around when I was 17/18 and realizing that other people actually masturbated and it wasn't just something on TV, I read a lot of erotica/porn trying to figure out a) what masturbation even was, b) how people esp with vaginas actually masturbated, and c) why people did it/how it was supposed to feel.)

So, what I'm trying to get at is: it might help if you ask yourself why you're masturbating and what it is you really want to get out of it. People masturbate for any number of reasons. They're bored and just need something to do. They're horny and want to relieve the horny feeling. They're sad and want to do something that makes them feel happier. They're angry and need something that will get them in a better mood. They're missing their partner and want to imagine being with them. So, similarly, masturbation can result in you feeling a variety of ways: relieved, happy, content, satisfied, calmer. You can even end up bored, frustrated, lonely, and/or sad depending on why you're masturbating and what mood you're in (that mind/body disconnect Sam W mentioned).

Hi, 90Hello09! Hope it's okay that I'm hopping in - just noticed that you mentioned feeling stressed about not enjoying masturbation and want to note that sometimes that stress associated with masturbation can make it feel like the stakes are even higher, like that every time you try it and it doesn't feel good the discomfort around that builds and builds.

Sometimes it's okay and necessary to take a break - if masturbating is stressing you out, you're allowed to leave that alone until you feel really called to do it. And if you don't, you don't have to - it might not be for you Right Now, but that doesn't mean you'll never find pleasure in masturbation forever. There's plenty of time to explore your relationship with masturbation!