Lack of feeling

[in.my.mind]

Hello!
I had a boyfriend (let’s call him H) a while ago who I liked. We dated for a month, and had my first kiss (not H’s). When we kissed, I didn’t feel anything at all, no physical/emotional response. I read somewhere that when you like someone, your eyes will naturally close from excessive light, pupil dilation = attraction or whatever. My eyes didn’t close naturally, I consciously closed them after a moment. No feeling in a first kiss is probably a thing, but we kissed several times and I never felt anything. Nothing good, nothing bad.
I had really liked H, so I went for it, but maybe I didn’t actually like him? It made me feel uncomfortable about physical contact after that, I felt awkward about not feeling anything. I also had a crush on another guy who didn’t like me back, so maybe that had a factor in the lack of emotional response?
I was just wondering if it’s a normal thing to not have a response to kissing, or if maybe I didn’t like him, or if maybe I should talk to someone about it.
Thank you!

[Sam W]

Hi in.my.mind,

Closing our eyes while kissing is more the result of the fact our vision can't see anything from so close up, so we shut our eyes, and/or emotional factors like feeling self-conscious, rather than being a result of us being attracted to that person.

There are lots of possible reasons why kissing could have felt pretty "meh" to you. For example, it may have been that in the moments you tried you just weren't feeling it. Or if you weren't super physically attracted to H, there wasn't enough excitement or attraction to make it feel interesting. Too, it's also entirely possible that kissing as an activity doesn't do much for you, period. In the same way that not every person likes oral sex, or back-rubs, or hugs, there are people who just don't find kissing all that interesting. Does that make sense?

Regardless, there's nothing "wrong" with you for not feeling anything from kissing. And how we feel from engaging in one physical activity (like sex or kissing) with a person doesn't necessarily tell us how we feel about them overall. So, just because you didn't enjoy kissing H doesn't automatically mean you didn't actually like him.