Scarleteen

I’m 17 and I’ve been sexually active with my bf for about 2 month now. I haven’t told him that I feel somewhat stressed and bored while having sex. I’m not sure if this is due to my past of multiple sexual abuse experiences or maybe I’m just not feeling it.

Before sex I have no issues with getting turned on, however, as soon as we start having sex I end up feeling very trapped and dissatisfied - sex does nothing for me.

I feel as though it’d be a good call talking to my boyfriend about the issue and maybe agreeing to have sex later on in our relationship again, but I’m scared of his thoughts and I doubt it’d last anyway.

I’ve heard of multiple stories about girls having similar issues, even ones that haven’t gone through sexual trauma. And it has me thinking, are us girls just put on this earth to pleasure the men? Do all girls secretly have this issue? Am I just broken from past experiences? Is it just a subconscious thing? Is there a way to fix it?

Hi Jess.222,

To answer one of your last questions first: no, women as a category don't exist as sexual beings simply to please men, and plenty of women have sex lives that they enjoy. But, as you pointed out, there are plenty of women who experience sex as unsatisfying, and there can be different reasons for that. A history of sexual abuse is one of them, so that may be playing a role here. Can you give me a sense of what, if any, support you've received in terms of healing from the abuse?

I agree that talking with your boyfriend about this issue is the logical next step, but it sounds like you have some misgivings about it. Can you tell me a bit more about what you mean when you say you're scared of what his thoughts will be if you tell him, and why you think the boundary wouldn't last?