A predatory man targeted me at the grocery store
Posted: Tue Feb 04, 2020 6:39 pm
I'm not a teenager--actually, I'm a 26 year old married woman. However, I was targeted by a sexual predator at the grocery store earlier today. I feel furious, anxious, and frustrated at how I responded to the situation. I have not told my husband about the experience yet, because I need time to process this. Also, I want resources on how to disengage from situations like this in the future. Here is what happened:
I went to the grocery store after running some errands, to buy doughnuts and ice cream to enjoy with my husband and in laws. I was alone.
After selecting my doughnuts, I noticed a scruffy little old man with a bushy mustache dyed bright yellow (in his 70s or 80s). I looked at him. He did not read like a predator at all--just an eccentric old guy with silly hair. He said something to me--I don't remember what, something funny. I thought he probably saw me staring at his hair as I walked by. So, while still walking, I said back, "I like your hair."
He followed after me, stopped me, and asked me what my name was. I told him my name. 'I'd rather not stand around talking to some guy at the store' I thought. However, I figured he was a harmless old man, maybe lonely, just looking to chat. I've been approached by eccentric old people in public before, and it's no big deal. They talk, maybe ramble a bit, then we go our separate ways. So I figured this was the exact same thing. I figured, 'I'll be nice, engage with this dude for a bit, maybe make his day'.
The conversation started out typical. He complemented my glasses and my hairdo, and said that he likes to compliment young people because our peers and society are hard on how we look. (So true, I thought, what a cool/nice old guy.) He talked about how young people look up to celebrities, but that the media focuses on looks and money, and how that isn't right. (Heck yeah, I thought). Then he went on a tangent about society and politics, talked about his life and service in WW2, and about how Christmas is about Jesus (Super stereotypical "old people" stuff, I thought--only this conversation is starting to drag and I want to leave...)
Well I couldn't figure out how to disengage with this guy, he was really intense. There were a couple other people shopping around, but the grocery store was pretty dead, so other than a few people coming past to grab their milk, nobody was there.
So eventually he asks a little about me, finds out that I'm married, going to school and working, and that I have a lot of stress. He says he likes to help people who are having a hard time, lectures me on the importance of having a savings fund, suggests some herbal remedy for stress, yada-yada. He writes down the supplement name on a note and hands me the note. I thank him, FINALLY see an opportunity to disengage, say I have to get home in time for dinner, and tell him (nice little me) that he's really kind to help people.
As I turn to go, he asks if I want a hug. I still don't sense any predatory intent or threat in this--I've gotten a lot of hugs from people lately because I AM stressed out (life is tough). I gladly accept his hug and even start to tear up a bit. I thank him, honestly, because hugs are nice. THAT is when things get fucking creepy.
I leave to walk to the ice cream section, and this dude follows me. He says that people don't hug and hold hands enough, and that physical touch releases endorphins in the brain. I agree, because yeah, that stuff is true. Then he extends his hand to hold my hand.
Now, if some dude had tried to hold my hand from the get go, I would've been like heck no. But this guy has just spent the past 30 minutes being cute and elderly and helpful. So while I think that is weird I'm not all that put-off because I've categorized this guy in my brain as being okay. So I hold his hand as we get to the ice cream aisle. By which point, the predator comes out.
The old fucker starts talking about how men don't get enough physical intimacy, and how he gives other men erotic massages. My mind starts spinning. (What the hell? Repressed gay man? Maybe senile? This is so awkward). Then he says that HE needs physical intimacy too, and that he gets it by giving and receiving oral sex from women. (WHAT. THE. FUCK?!!) Note that we are now ALONE TOGETHER in the ice cream aisle. I do NOT want to hold his hand anymore.
I take my hand away and pretend to be distracted choosing ice cream. My brain is freaking out. I just grab one--not the one I wanted--and start walking for the checkout lane. He follows closely behind me, and takes my hand again. I am frozen. I don't pull my hand away, just leave it limp in his and KEEP WALKING. Get to the checkout, get to people, get to the checkout, get to people.
Seconds later, I am at the checkout. I take my hand away again, and step into line. At this point, he retreats. He says goodbye, and that if I ever want to talk/want help, I can find him at X and Y stores in town. I mumble something in reply, I don't remember what, and crowd myself close to the other people in line. He leaves, and I stand there trying not to have a panic attack.
I think this guy... targeted me, groomed me, played the long game being a harmless old man until he could initiate physical contact without raising my alarms. It was fucking horrid. I never want something like that to happen again. How can I avoid people like this? It was so sneaky. I didn't see it coming, and that made it 100x more awful when he switched from harmless old man to fucking predator.
I went to the grocery store after running some errands, to buy doughnuts and ice cream to enjoy with my husband and in laws. I was alone.
After selecting my doughnuts, I noticed a scruffy little old man with a bushy mustache dyed bright yellow (in his 70s or 80s). I looked at him. He did not read like a predator at all--just an eccentric old guy with silly hair. He said something to me--I don't remember what, something funny. I thought he probably saw me staring at his hair as I walked by. So, while still walking, I said back, "I like your hair."
He followed after me, stopped me, and asked me what my name was. I told him my name. 'I'd rather not stand around talking to some guy at the store' I thought. However, I figured he was a harmless old man, maybe lonely, just looking to chat. I've been approached by eccentric old people in public before, and it's no big deal. They talk, maybe ramble a bit, then we go our separate ways. So I figured this was the exact same thing. I figured, 'I'll be nice, engage with this dude for a bit, maybe make his day'.
The conversation started out typical. He complemented my glasses and my hairdo, and said that he likes to compliment young people because our peers and society are hard on how we look. (So true, I thought, what a cool/nice old guy.) He talked about how young people look up to celebrities, but that the media focuses on looks and money, and how that isn't right. (Heck yeah, I thought). Then he went on a tangent about society and politics, talked about his life and service in WW2, and about how Christmas is about Jesus (Super stereotypical "old people" stuff, I thought--only this conversation is starting to drag and I want to leave...)
Well I couldn't figure out how to disengage with this guy, he was really intense. There were a couple other people shopping around, but the grocery store was pretty dead, so other than a few people coming past to grab their milk, nobody was there.
So eventually he asks a little about me, finds out that I'm married, going to school and working, and that I have a lot of stress. He says he likes to help people who are having a hard time, lectures me on the importance of having a savings fund, suggests some herbal remedy for stress, yada-yada. He writes down the supplement name on a note and hands me the note. I thank him, FINALLY see an opportunity to disengage, say I have to get home in time for dinner, and tell him (nice little me) that he's really kind to help people.
As I turn to go, he asks if I want a hug. I still don't sense any predatory intent or threat in this--I've gotten a lot of hugs from people lately because I AM stressed out (life is tough). I gladly accept his hug and even start to tear up a bit. I thank him, honestly, because hugs are nice. THAT is when things get fucking creepy.
I leave to walk to the ice cream section, and this dude follows me. He says that people don't hug and hold hands enough, and that physical touch releases endorphins in the brain. I agree, because yeah, that stuff is true. Then he extends his hand to hold my hand.
Now, if some dude had tried to hold my hand from the get go, I would've been like heck no. But this guy has just spent the past 30 minutes being cute and elderly and helpful. So while I think that is weird I'm not all that put-off because I've categorized this guy in my brain as being okay. So I hold his hand as we get to the ice cream aisle. By which point, the predator comes out.
The old fucker starts talking about how men don't get enough physical intimacy, and how he gives other men erotic massages. My mind starts spinning. (What the hell? Repressed gay man? Maybe senile? This is so awkward). Then he says that HE needs physical intimacy too, and that he gets it by giving and receiving oral sex from women. (WHAT. THE. FUCK?!!) Note that we are now ALONE TOGETHER in the ice cream aisle. I do NOT want to hold his hand anymore.
I take my hand away and pretend to be distracted choosing ice cream. My brain is freaking out. I just grab one--not the one I wanted--and start walking for the checkout lane. He follows closely behind me, and takes my hand again. I am frozen. I don't pull my hand away, just leave it limp in his and KEEP WALKING. Get to the checkout, get to people, get to the checkout, get to people.
Seconds later, I am at the checkout. I take my hand away again, and step into line. At this point, he retreats. He says goodbye, and that if I ever want to talk/want help, I can find him at X and Y stores in town. I mumble something in reply, I don't remember what, and crowd myself close to the other people in line. He leaves, and I stand there trying not to have a panic attack.
I think this guy... targeted me, groomed me, played the long game being a harmless old man until he could initiate physical contact without raising my alarms. It was fucking horrid. I never want something like that to happen again. How can I avoid people like this? It was so sneaky. I didn't see it coming, and that made it 100x more awful when he switched from harmless old man to fucking predator.