Scarleteen

In 7th-8th grade I had a "boyfriend/friend" touch me inappropriately which means he would slide his foot up my leg and rub my crotch with his foot, touch my boobs and crotch(clothed of course since we were in class). The last time he did it was he keep trying to touch my crotch but I kept saying no but he kept trying and it only ended because class ended. I feel mad at myself because they(my principle,teacher) made him apologize and I felt like I had to accept it but I didn't want to. I keep thinking about this stupid event over and over.

Hi Lostwander,

What you're describing definitely matches with the standard definition of sexual assault, which is doing something sexual to someone that they do not want. As much as you can, try not to feel too mad at yourself for accepting that apology. There's a ton of pressure on people to make nice right away, even after something like assault (and that pressure can be increased if their are people like principals or teachers present), so you didn't do something wrong by trying to make the process easier on yourself.

Is there a way we could best support you around this realization?

What am I supposed to do

Hi Lostwander,

I'm sorry to hear that this happened, and that it feels like something that's coming up again and feeling upsetting.

You're not really "supposed" to do anything - you're the boss, and you can decide what you want to happen from here. Does anyone else in your life know about it? Would you want to tell them about it? Do you feel like you need some extra support, from a counselor at school or an outside therapist? Or do you not want to share anything and instead focus on feeling what you feel and taking extra good care of yourself? All of these are valid options, and you're the one in charge of what happens next. We'll be here to support you along the way. <3

Just in case you haven't read through it, you might find Blinders Off: Getting A Good Look At Abuse and Assault to be a helpful as you're thinking about this stuff.

I'm really sorry you're feeling so stuck on this trauma you experienced, Lostwander.

al beat me to posting, but I think I expanded on some options a bit, so I'm going to go ahead and post what I wrote up, which really agrees with what al is saying.

There is no one thing you're "supposed" to do. What do you want to do? What do you feel like it would help you to do?

Do you want to/have you sought out therapy? Could you start by talking to a school guidance counselor?
Do you want to speak up about what you experienced? To who would you want to share/speak to?
Do you want to talk to others who have gone through similar experiences? Would you want to start by talking to your friends or seeking out some sort of group therapy or connect with others over the internet?
Do you want to be angry about this? How do you want to express your anger?
Do you want to be sad about this? Do you want to mourn what happened to you? How do you want to express your sadness?
Do you want to make a plan for how you want to uphold your boundaries in the future? Would it help you to take a self-defense class or join a martial art to help you feel more confident in navigating making a choice?
Do you want to unaccept this apology, at least just to yourself? What would doing this look like for you?

What would help you right now? It makes sense that you're feeling lost and stuck right now. Healing from experiences like this isn't always linear - sometimes it hits us harder than others.

There's no right or wrong choice for how you take the next step forward. Take some time for yourself and decide what sort of support you need. We can help you figure out how to get that support, but nobody can tell you the best way to process this or move forward from it, unfortunately. =(

This was a couple years ago sadly,the kid moved and life went on. The only reason I'm posting it now is because it's been 4 years and it's still messing with me

What do you think about any of the questions al and horriblegoose asked above? Is this something you've discussed with a therapist or counselor before, or would like to? Are there ways we can discuss this with you that would be helpful?