Injuries?

[transfemandgay]

You know that thing where like if you do something absolutely wrong while having penetrative sex with a penis the stiff spongy tissue will... snap... in half and it'll be extremly painful and you need surgery to fix it?

Yeah every time I have sex with my girlfriend I am absolutely terrified of that happening. But only when they're on top of me. Like any form of cowgirl or what not. Problem is...

my favorite positions are when they're on top of me and they're controlling what happens. We switch positions when I get tired and also because we like how the other looks when we're doing it. Buuuut since I'm terrified of breaking my dick, I can only focus on the fact that my dick might break and not just enjoying it. And they're focused on trying not to break my dick by going really slowly and not going too high up, which means they're not enjoying it. Plus, if my dick breaks we'd have to go to the hospital, which means outing ourselves as a couple, which means also admitting we're having sex. Both of those things would put us in real danger if that came out to our parents.

It literally confuses me how people can do that position and especially at such weird angles without injuring themselves and without it hurting. And yet, people still do it so there has to be something about it that works. But, I don't know how to do it? Is it overcoming the fear? Technique? What? Agh does anyone know what to do?

[Jacob]

Hi!

I would guess, seeing as this hasn't happened to you, that your technique is probably fine. It is a fairly rare injury, but is one which makes a very memorable image, which is probably why you find yourself thinking about it. I imagine that when it has happened it's been the result of an accidental slip, which meant there was a lot of force focused on that one body part, but which could have just as easilly been a concussion or twisted ankle.

I would file this with other unlikely injuries which we can't think about constantly, beyond basic risk reduction. We can try and pay attention and be quick-footed, but who knows, a piano could still fall on my head!

Being sober during sex also helps. Many sexual mishaps - all that I've heared about - seem to have happened when people's physical senses and/or attention and/or wisdom has been blunted by alcohol or whatever else.

I'd say this is somehting worth talking to your girlfriend about too. That could reduce the fear but could also help you both to take care and pay attention to eachothers discomfort during sex.

[transfemandgay]

Are there some ways to do it without hurting me? The only reason I'm this scared of it happening is because 1) all the videos and stories and 2) the first time we tried cowgirl they lowered onto me wrong and it hurt a little bit (I didn't let them go any further).

However, we've done cowgirl before, even all the way to orgasm and sometimes going pretty fast, and it hasn't hurt since. So obviously we've been doing it fine. Even recently it doesn't hurt and it slips in fine but I'm just so scared of it happening that I can't think about anything else when we're doing it that way. How would my girlfriend have to bounce up and down so that it wouldn't hurt me and so we could do it really fast instead of really slowly?

[Sam W]

In terms of that one position, you're already doing the main thing we recommend, which is communicating with each other when something hurts or needs adjusting. Beyond that, one thing to avoid, at any pace, would be her pulling all the way off and then coming back down without looking or being very sure where everyone's body parts are.

Too, as Jacob said, this kind of injury is actually pretty rare. It can sometimes feel more prevalent, or like there are a bunch of videos or stories circulating about it, because it's the kind of story that gets a lot of attention and clicks. So it can help to remember that the odds of it happening to you, especially if you two are taking some degree of care, are low.