I don't feel any pleasure when I masturbate.

[Graydon]

I'm 13 years old and I've been masturbating for as long as I can remember. I've tried everything I can think of and I don't feel anything. All my friends are saying maybe I just can't feel pleasure, and I'm starting to think so, too. I've tried other erogenous zones that aren't my vulva and nothing is working. Can someone please help me?

[Sam W]

Hi Graydon,

There are a few different things that may be going on here. Before I dive into them, I do want to say that it's highly unlikely that you can't experience pleasure. Our brains and bodies can get pleasure from all sorts of things. For instance, if you read through this article, you can see ways in which we often experience pleasure in our daily lives: I Feel Good: Pleasure and Fulfillment. If you truly don't feel any pleasure or enjoyment from anything (food, taking a bath, seeing a picture of a cute animal, etc) then that might point to a larger issue.

With masturbation, can you give me a sense of if you're mentally aroused when you try it? Or is it more that you're going through the motions with your body but your brain isn't super engaged? Too, you mention you've tried a lot of experimentation, which is awesome, but nothing has felt good. Can you take a look at these two articles and see if there are things in them you haven't tried? Going Solo: The Basics of Masturbation, With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body

[Graydon]

Thank you so much. I try every night so it kind of feels more like a routine than anything else, and my brain isn't super into it. I feel pleasure in other things, just not when I'm masturbating. I kind of just feel this dull chafing feeling when I masturbate and when I touch my clitoris I feel sensation 20% of the time and when I do there's too much and it feels more like the chafing feeling than actual pleasure. I've tried everything including penetration, which I don't feel comfortable with. I've tried using my electric toothbrush too, and I'm looking into purchasing a real vibrator. I'm waiting for my doctor to refer me to a gynecologist, but with our current global situation, I don't expect that to happen anytime soon. I'm so glad I found a safe queer-friendly space where I can get answers!

[Heather]

Something missing in your response above is an answer to what Sam asked about arousal: are you actually turned on -- in both your brain and your body -- before and during masturbation? Why are you trying to masturbate: because you are feeling sexual desire and excitement, or because you think you're supposed to or your friends do? Also, has it gotten to the point where it mostly is just about trying to fix something you worry is broken?

It's very unlikely this is an issue a GYN can help with, because it's very unlikely something is physically wrong, particularly if you don't have any other health issues that could cause issues with genital sensation or your nervous system. It's much more likely this is about just not being excited enough or actually feeling all that interested in masturbating.

[Graydon]

Sorry, I missed the question! I do feel turned on when I masturbate, but it goes away really fast. I do feel a little bored with it now, though. I'm masturbating because on the rare occasion that it does work it relieves my anxiety.

[Heather]

Thanks for filling me in on that.

Do you feel like losing that turned on feeling is just about it being momentary, and that's why it passes, or do you feel like there's something about masturbation -- or how you're going about or experiencing it -- that doing it is taking *away* those feelings of arousal?