Menstrual Cups

[0PT1M15T1C]

Okay, I've wanting to ask this for like a hot minute, and idk, I've kind of put it off because to me it's weird.

I've heard a lot about menstrual cups, and it seems like a pretty decent option considering I hate using pads and tampons (pads specifically I dislike), I would think having a more discrete reusable option would be better, but the one thing my mom isn't for is the use of those.

A lot of it is because they have to be washed to empty them and stuff, but I don't really see how it's that different than my brother getting a nosebleed and getting blood in the sink that way (or the freaking wall, like dude I swear), like either way it's blood even if it comes from different areas and I guess does contain some different things, still. I think as long as I'm sanitary about it all, it really shouldn't be an issue. Is there anything actually wrong with using a menstrual cup?

Idk, I could probably get my dad to get me one (he doesn't want me to come with him as it would basically double our exposure). Normally what happens is the question comes up "do you actually need this stuff? (meaning he's wondering how I'm going through it because it's pretty often we have to buy it all, my mom typically backs me up and says it's the normal rate) but I handle the questions around that and why I need two kinds of night pads by saying "Well, sometimes I don't bleed at night and other times I really wonder if a shark actually did bite me down there and I wonder if my sheets will survive.." so he typically doesn't want to discuss it. - not going to lie, it's funny. I think the same would happen if I brought up a cup, plus I could let him know that it would be cheaper and we wouldn't have to have the discussion about pads and tampons anymore. If I have to deal with it once a month, I think I should probably be able to choose how I want to deal with it. Also, this stuffs not cheap is what I've realized wow, like it's about $10-15 per pack I buy of pads and I typically get 2 or 3 different types probably every 2-3 months, not to mention tampons either, so the price of a cup doesn't seem unreasonable to me. It did give me an idea of why my dad questions me though.

I didn't even know these were a thing until a few months ago so I also have some questions around it, like I know you can swim with a tampon in, can you swim with a menstrual cup? Is there anything (other than sex/insertion) that I couldn't do while wearing one?
How often do you change that (I believe it's 12 hours?) and, how do you do it without like making a mess? I know that would be like breaking I guess the suction and pulling it out, but I can see that easily making a mess.
Do they hurt at all? As far as I know they're small and fold/squish and then go back to the size they need to be inside (I don't really know how else to word that, sorry)
Is there a time frame in which you should replace them or does that depend?
How often do these things I guess backfire, or is it easy to put them in wrong/incorrectly and is that something that just takes practice?
Can you sleep with them in?
I also wonder if anyone has tips on maybe talking to my mom about that if need be?

[Sam W]

Hi 0PT1M15T1C ,

Great questions! With that concern about washing, as long as you're careful washing it out and cleaning up any residual menstrual flow, it doesn't pose any sort of sanitary risk. Is that your mom's main concern, or is there something else she objects to about them?

As for your other questions, yep, you can swim in a menstrual cup, and other than trying to insert things into the vaginal canal, there isn't anything else you're unable to do with one in.

With changing them, 12 hours is the maximum amount of time they can be worn (which means you can wear them while you sleep). But, depending on flow heaviness, you may have to change them more often than that. To change one, you usually do it over the toilet in case of spillage, then get it to a sink and clean it. It can get a little messy, but nothing that washing your hands can't fix. With putting them in, the main issue can be them not re-expanding once inserted, which is why you're instructed to twist them so they pop open. I really like the breakdown this page offers on putting them in and getting them out: https://periodaisle.zendesk.com/hc/en-u ... rt-my-cup-

It can be uncomfortable learning to put one in, and there can be discomfort as you learn to position it correctly. But in my experience, the discomfort level is no worse than having to put in a tampon.

[0PT1M15T1C]

I think that was her main concern, and I tried to say that there wasn't really a sanitary risk myself -- and it's good to hear I was right with that -- I don't fully understand it because she's had a period, and has never described it as being a weird thing but with this using a cup it was weird to her. I mentioned it to her, she said no and I didn't really have much information to discuss it with her. The way she really put it was that it's gross to wash that out, and that's what she doesn't like. I think a big part of that is like with using tampons and pads, you throw them out and you're done with it rather than having to wash it out and stuff, although honestly, I'm cleared for all STI's, up to date with vaccinations and also, I'm a pretty clean person about taking care of this stuff, not to mention I have my own bathroom, so I don't understand the fuss. It's also my body, just saying, so I really kind of wish I could deal with it in the way that makes the most sense to me. Especially since all non essential health care was put on hold, I'll still have to deal with having on for a while. I hope that all makes sense, I still don't really want to undermine her though.

Thanks for that information, it certainly helps a lot knowing that all and reading through the site you mentioned, it definitely makes sense.

[Sam W]

That is a bit of an odd objection, although I will say people can get weird about reusable menstrual products (both cups and washable pads). In my experience, it often boils down to notions about period flow being somehow extra icky and bad. Too, you'd be washing it in the bathroom sink; it's not like you're intending to dump it out and rinse it over a sink of dishes or something. Since it's your body, it may be worth saving up on your own if you can and then ordering or buying one when you can (there are more affordable options than there used to be, because these are becoming a more popular option for people with periods).

[0PT1M15T1C]

Yeah, people definitely get weird about it but idk, it's kind of my choice, I think people just really need to get over the idea that it's gross, wrong or bad, it shouldn't be like that but whatever (I do think you get pretty used to it just being a thing when you get a period though). She's fine with me washing my packer, I don't see why this is too different especially considering my bathroom is my bathroom (it's also white as the primary color, so I have to keep it quite clean anyways), everyone has their own in my house so I think if I'm going to talk to her, bringing that up and just letting her know I'll do a full proper clean more often (more than once a week). I think my dad would probably get me one, I gave him some examples of what they should look like, if he doesn't want to I'll be able to order one online (I guess it's time to learn how to transfer money onto my debit card and use that). Although I don't really want to do something she's not okay with, I think with this I get some say in what I do.

[Karyn]

Totally with you on all of that: it's your body, so you should be able to do what you're most comfortable with. If that means saving up for a bit and ordering a cup online, that's a good option! There are lots of different choices now, as Sam said, and they're becoming more affordable which is great. If you want some help sorting through all the different ones out there, let us know!

[Heather]

Just briefly popping in to say I find one easy way to make people realize they're being silly about washing with this is that there is nothing that will be inside a cup (or washable pads or menstrual underpants) that doesn't also regularly show up on underwear, and no one usually has any issue with just hurling those into the wash with everything else and thinking nothing of it.

[0PT1M15T1C]

Thanks!

My dad ended up saying no, I think he just doesn’t want to be looking for that (not because it’s strange but because he knows I have other options and doesn’t want to be in the store any longer than needed), which honestly I kind of understand - he does a lot of that for me whenever I need that sort of thing. I messaged him the photos anyways and if he chooses to he might grab it, if not I’ll do it online. It’s weird, my moms all for me making my own choices normally but not with this. I’ve looked into a few, but if anyone has any particular suggestions that’d be great. Or if there’s anything I should actually look out/be cautious towards?

And also, yeah it’s never been a big deal, and even this morning I woke up with the “oh no” and had to wash some stuff, no one ever cares about if I do that, not even my brother and even regularly there’s always going to be stuff on clothes. So yeah totally agree there. I don’t know if I’ll have that talk with my mom because it seems kind of pointless, honestly. Especially if I’d be the one paying for it, it’s not really a huge concern for her, and honestly, I keep things clean enough as it is it shouldn’t end up being a problem.

Edit: My mom screamed lmao - so I guess we’re having this discussion.

Further Edit: Yeah that failed miserably.

[Karyn]

Sorry your dad said no, and so sorry about your mom's reaction, but if saving up and getting one online is an option then that's great.

Personally, I love my diva cup and haven't tried any of the other ones, but there are a couple of things to keep in mind as you're looking.
1) Material - most of them now are made out of silicone, but I think there are a couple of brands still making rubber ones, and if you're allergic to latex then you want to steer clear of those.
2) Softness - even the ones made out of silicone vary in how flexible they are. The diva cup is a bit stiff and more difficult to fold, others might be softer.
3) Size range - some brands only make one size, others (like MeLuna) offer a range of sizes and their websites should have some guidance around what size to get.
4) Colour! Some brands come in different colours, which can be fun. Not necessarily a priority, but sometimes adding a bit of extra colour to your life is nice.

[0PT1M15T1C]

My mom didn’t scream like she was mad at me it was just an “ew” from the other room (that was the scream, honestly I found it funny, it wasn’t to be mean), I explained how I felt, my parents strongly disagreed, I started the whole “this is my body” and then I mentioned that I keep my packer clean, and my parents brought up me leaving it on the bathroom counter not once but twice and think I’d forget about it and do the same. I told them it had been months since that happened but they still don’t want me having one and so we left it at “maybe sometime, but I’m not getting that now.” I let them know I’d most likely order one then and that was sort of the end of that. My mom has some serious misconceptions about what cups are though, but I’m not going to get into that. Honestly, they had no idea about my packer for a good 6 months until I left it on the counter twice in one month, parents think taking things away and getting upset makes the situation better, it's just made me damn good at hiding things. Guess it’s time to learn how my debit card works, that's interesting.

I’ll definitely keep those points in mind, thank you. I think also keeping an eye on reviews and seeing if more people that meet who I kind of am put out good reviews of them is a pretty good idea. May I ask, like with softness/how stiff they are, does that make a difference when it’s actually inside? Or more just with putting them in?

[Mo]

My understanding with the various materials and their relative stiffness is that a lot of that is down to personal preference and anatomical differences. Softer materials might feel a little easier to adjust to but could take a little more finagling to make them fully pop open when inserted, for example; some folks might prioritize one attribute over another while others might not have a strong preference.
When I first investigated menstrual cups in the early 2000s there were only two or three options and they were fairly similar in terms of shape and material, and if you didn't like how those options felt you were out of luck; I think the wider variety of offerings now is great because people's preferences do vary. I realize this doesn't make it easy to choose a specific one yourself, if you don't know what attributes you might feel strongly about, though!

[0PT1M15T1C]

Okay cool, I wasn’t 100% sure about that one but that makes sense. I think honestly at this point I have it pretty narrowed down to what’ll work for me so thank you!

[Mo]

Great! I hope that if you get one, it is a good fit for you.