Scarleteen

So a prospective boyfriend of mine had taken advantage of me when I wasn't exactly all there and I couldn't consent properly to sex when I had told him previously that I just wanted to cuddle and make out. He eventually brought me up to his bedroom and striped me down which I was okay with, but he started doing shit to me and that's when I froze up and couldn't tell him no even if I was able to. But so he took advantage of me when I was in a compromised position and then I found out later that he also is my friend's abuser, soooo... I honestly wanna puke still to be honest, like oh my god, I never would of thought this would happen, but I'm blaming myself for letting my guard down that far.

Hi KittyPink,

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I hear you saying you are blaming yourself, but I want you to know that this was NOT your fault. Abuse is never the fault of victims and survivors. This person should have respected you when you said that you only wanted to cuddle and make out.

It's actually a very common response to freeze up in scary or threatening situations. You're describing something that MANY other people who were sexually abused also experience. Again - not your fault.

You may find Blinders Off: Getting A Good Look At Abuse and Assault to be a useful read - it talks about different kinds of abuse and assault, and all the reasons it wasn't your fault.

Can I ask when this happened? Have you talked to anyone about it, or maybe visited a therapist who can help you process and heal from this experience?

For our part, how can we best support you?

I'm gonna visit my therapist, as far as the support, I dunno honestly.

Firstly, I really want to say I'm sorry that happened to you and add, again that it wasn't your fault. You also deserve support around this.

It's great you're going to connect with your therapist, it can be really great to have that space with a professional who can help you. I wonder, I know you mentioned that he was also your friends abuser, is this friend someone you possibly feel comfortable to talk to? Or are there other friends or family in your life that you are able to trust and open up to about this happening? I've found having friends around that know, believe and support you as you're working through the process of recovery makes a world of a difference.

As far as it goes here, I know sometimes it's nice to just have a place to be able to talk about what's happened and get it off your chest.

Just a reminder that it is probably best NOT to visit a therapist in person right now: can you call them and see if they can work with you via phone or video right now? Most therapists who did not offer these services already are quickly adapting during the outbreak. <3