Scarleteen

I'm a bisexual girl (15) and for so long I've been wanting a romantic/sexual relationship. At first I thought that masturbating would get rid of the sexual feelings that I have everyday (for nobody in particular.) But it doesn't get rid of the loneliness I feel inside. Truth is, I've actually been wanting this feeling from a compatible, understanding person that I'm in a serious relationship with. I've had the worst luck with relationships and I feel hopeless. Is it wrong for me to long for this kind of relationship at 15?

There's nothing wrong or weird with anyone, of any age, wanting intimacy and companionship, including sexual relationships that include emotional intimacy. For the vast majority of people, this is just part of the human condition.

I totally feel you with feeling at 15, with bad luck with relationships, the whole thing must be hopeless. I remember feeling so exactly just that way. It's rough and it can sure feel scary. But the good news is is that in the grand scheme of things, you really do have a whole life ahead of you and it's also really common for people to be having a hard time with these kinds of relationships when everyone is brand new to all of it. Unfortunately, it's easy to suck at things when we and everyone around us doesn't have any real practice yet. It really will get better than this, I absolutely promise.

Obviously, at this particular moment in history, looking for new relationships is a bit tricky in some ways, but it might actually be a little easier in others. Are you feeling like you want to start looking for this kind of relationship, or, for right now, do you just want to take some time to get okay with wanting one?

Thanks for the advice...and I do feel like I want that kind of relationship soon, though past relationships have made me think that I have to know someone for a while in order to have a healthy relationship with them. Some people say to be friends with a person for at least a month before going any further, yet I feel a couple of weeks is enough to know if someone is compatible. How long should I know someone before getting into a relationship?

You know, we're in a relationship with someone the minute we start interacting. When we're getting to know someone, we are in a relationship, even if we're interacting before we have decided (and hopefully also discussed, together) what *kind* of relationship we want to be in.

So, no matter what, you always get to get to know someone and it gets to be healthy from the start. There's no one right amount of time for everyone -- or every relationship -- to add on to a platonic friendship with sex or romance. That's something everyone decides for themselves and then with each other. Some people are friends for DECADES and then shift their relationship in that way. Some people build friendships AS they are building those other parts. It varies, and we usually decide that based on how we feel about a given person, our lives and ourself at a given time, rather than having one amount of time or way this goes for every relationship. That make sense?

Yes, thank you.