Scarleteen

[What happened to me VS. what my shrink said

-->to me: he started tampering me to do oral sex and WHILE he was tampering me he was AWARE that I felt shocked and that I didn't want to do it and that I found it yucky,yet he had a smile on his face after he told me to kiss his penis when it was obvious I was shocked as hell and in my mind wanted this situation to just never happen...(though tampering was short,but I don't remember for sure)

---> what my shrink said : "extracted concent is bad but it is still a consent"

WHO IS RIGHT? ONCE AND FOR ALL?
NEITHER OF US?

I'm just working through approved posts right now so I am posting your message from a separate new topic here:

I don't think I said yes but if I did I didn't really want it and he knew i didn't,that is,if I said yes,which I'm 90% sure I didn't

As in my other post, I am only here briefly, but what I'll say here that I completely disagree with your therapist.

Of course i wasn't in the room during your conversation but my understanding of consent is that it's something you engage in to strive for a decent level of mutual understanding and mutual enjoyment in sex.

You say tampering, but I think you mean pressuring? And pressuring someone to do something which you know they don't want to do is not demonstrating good consent, it's coersive and abusive.

You have every right to see this as a harmful action.

Is this usual for your therapist? Is there any chance you could look around for a different provider who has a better understanding of abuse?

Hey there, IAmScared.

Jacob has recently come back to the boards after some time away and, it seems, missed the hard limit I know *you* know we set with you around posting anything to do with sexual abuse here.

I'm going to close this thread and then need to gently remind you that limit still stands. We've had this conversation with you in the past and it only winds up being circular, frequently with you arguing with us, when we validate that what you have posted is abuse and nonconsent, that no, what you are posting is *not* those things. It's simply not a sound use of our time or energy, and it also is a dynamic and pattern that is not healthy or safe for those of us (which is usually most of us) who are ourselves survivors.

So, as we've said to you before, we are glad to talk with you about other topics, but so long as the conversation remains as it is here and elsewhere -- this nonstop go-around about what is or isn't abuse we've already been through with you a number of times -- our limit on this remains the same. Please respect it instead of continuing to come back here with it.