Scarleteen

I remember crushing on girls only a few times when I was in high school. Sure, it was probably just infatuation and it never went anywhere, but I guess most crushes are like that. It was something. I didn't know how to move off of it at the time but at least I had a starting point. Even then, it only occurred every few years or so.

Nowadays I barely feel it at all. Every I thought I had found that feeling again when I went to a college party. It was my first time drinking and I didn't even get through one quarter of my first bottle the entire night (I guess I just couldn't force myself to handle the taste). My feelings singled out one girl among them, and like always, I just watched her from afar.

I let myself believe I was taking an interest in her but once the quarantine hit I realized I wasn't at all. I guess it was kind of stupid in hindsight but it made me realize just how rare it is for me to have a crush or feel infatuated or whatever you want to call it. Some may say that's a good thing, but I find being forced to spend literal years with nothing happening absolutely degrading. I looked online and people complain that they only really feel that way every couple of months. Oh yeah, sure, you have it real rough, buddy.

Am I really better off this way? Because I don't know anymore

I don't think there's a "too much" or "not enough" when it comes to these sorts of feelings! Just like a lot of other factors when it comes to attraction, some people find it really easy to develop crushes and others do so more rarely; it's not a problem to be anywhere between those two points. Similarly I don't think this necessarily makes you better or worse off, it's just different from some other people.
If it's something you're open to talking about, what is it about having a crush on someone that feels degrading to you?

I honestly don't know

It might be worth thinking about! If it's something you do have a thought about, we could discuss it if you thought it might be helpful.