Is it Anatomy or Something Else Part 2; Question for Heather

[ICantThink]

Okay, so I posted my original question under "Sex and Sexuality" on Nov. 18 ish and got a somewhat answer from Heather and was told to try her suggestion then come back and she'd let me know more if the suggestion didn't work. For some reason whenever I go to respond to my old post or anywhere under "Sex and Sexuality" it tells me "You cannot post to this forum" hence me posting this here in the hopes she finds it again, or somebody else will be able to help me.

My original question was wondering why my boyfriend and I couldn't have sex in the missionary position. Every time we tried it, it was like he couldn't get the right angle or something and after a few minutes he'd lose it from being frustrated and we ended up not being able to do anything. We could have sex with me on top just fine though. Also, I noticed around the time I asked this question, we had sex with me on top and it had hurt. I was also wondering why this might have been. To which Heather suggested trying lube and seeing what that might do, then coming back if the problem was still there. Well, I'm back now.

It's been almost a month later and we have managed to accomplish missionary, although I had forgotten about the lube conversation so we didn't use that. My opinion on why it didn't work was because every time we tried we both got frustrated and with every failed attempt at "getting it in" he'd become less turned on which made it slightly more difficult since him being turned on is a huge factor in how sex works after all. But I noticed that whenever we tried recently it was kind of just an automatic thing, there wasn't any struggle or anything like that so it was simple. Also, I noticed the one time we had sex this month with me on top it felt insanely uncomfortable whenever I'd sit up straight. Me leaning forward or putting my weight on my elbows was fine though, it was only when I'd sit up.

And another thing I'm kind of concerned about, is whenever he fingers me I notice he has blood on his fingers. Whenever it feels like he's scratching me I get him to stop or slow down or something whenever it doesn't feel right. But it's almost always happening, even when I'm not in any pain or uncomfortable but what he does feels insanely good actually. So I'm not sure what's causing it, or even how to prevent it from happening if I can't feel any discomfort when it occurs.

Anyways, thank you to whoever answers this and I'm sorry it's not in the right forum.. I'm not sure why it wouldn't let me reply to my original question or even in the "Sex and Sexuality" forum or I would have done that.

[Heather]

Weird about the thread, but that's no big deal. A new one is fine.

You know, this'd be easier to chime in on if you'd tried the lube for me to know how that went. But for sure, some of what you're posting here strikes me as sound. Getting frustrated about any kind of sex "working," is going to often have the kind of results you're reporting.

I still want to suggest using lube and ask you to try that, especially if you also are not using any with manual sex and are having bleeding when that happens.

[ICantThink]

I had talked about it with him shortly after we had sex when I remembered the conversation with you. I had a lot going on recently so it had slipped my mind, but we have talked about it and are going to try it. I wanted to let you know about some progress though, but for sure, definitely going to try that now. Anything to try and avoid the continued embarrassment of having blood on his fingers... talk about a turn off But thank you again for the advice, and for responding!

[Heather]

Well, I'd suggest trying to switch up your thinking to figure that none of your body's fluids are a problem. After all, if we're going to be intimate with someone....well, we're going to be intimate. And that sometimes, if not often, means things like having partners see parts of our bodies or their functions, and be cool with that.

But for sure, not using a lubricant for activities with entry generally is not so great for most people. Some people do okay without it sometimes, but I think it's safe to say most people, much of the time, find things feel a LOT better with it.

[Redskies]

(ICantThink, thank you So Much for the heads-up about the issue on the forums. We wouldn't have known so quickly if one of you hadn't told us! Everything obvious in the settings looked fine, but obviously there was/is indeed a hitch, which we've now found, somewhat hiding . We should have it sorted very soon!)