How to make talking to girls easier

[wolfcub]

As someone on the spectrum, I have very limited interests. Those interests include video games, anime, and drawing stuff from both. That being said, I feel that I'll have a much easier time talking to girls who have those same interests.

The problem is I know gamer girls take extra steps to make sure that gamer guys don't bug them. I mean, it's not like I blame them, but I feel that it's unfair that the actions of other men in the gaming community seem to make things harder for the rest of us.

I've tried to go to attend clubs that I know girls tend to go to, like community service groups, but my complete lack of knowledge on popular culture puts me at a huge disadvantage, so I can barely strike up a conversation with anyone.

Since the whole dating during quarantine thing has not been working for me, I've decide to try to work on my shortcomings instead. Someone suggested I use this time to try to expose myself to popular culture so it'd be easier to talk to people, since I've got no life experience stories to call upon. The problem is it's hard to even get started. I honestly don't know where to begin. Any tips?

[Sam W]

When it comes to having pretty narrow interests and wanting to branch out, I can think of a few things to try. One would be to try things within those categories that you haven't looked into before (since anime and video games encompass a HUGE number of items). Another would be to look into pop culture items that are adjacent to things you're already interested in; "let's plays," books, podcasts, things like that.

You can also give yourself permission to try out different pop culture items and bail on them if they don't interest you; you can explore different cultural items without having to commit to them if they turn out not to be your thing.

When you're looking to interact with people in geeky spaces, or in groups, are you looking to get to know people in general in those spaces? Or just the girls?

You're right that a lot of girls in geekier spaces, including gamer ones, have to be on-guard against people in those communities who treat them as dating fodder or try to make them prove they belong there. Honestly, the way to prevent that pattern is for guys in those spaces to be better about collecting their own or helping maintain safe spaces, but that's a subject for another time.

[wolfcub]

Is there any way that I can meet these gamer girls in person? I feel like it would make things a hell of a lot easier

[Karyn]

Right now, as you know, it's not recommended for anyone to be spending time with anyone they don't live with. However, when those restrictions are lifted, then yes, there are ways to meet people in person. If you're in school, that's often a great starting point: many schools have clubs and groups for all sorts of interests that you can join and it's a guaranteed way to get yourself in the same space as other people that share your interests. Sites like meet-up are similar; there are lots of groups for pretty much any interest you can think of (including anime and video games) and lots of them have regular events.

Making connections through people you already know can be another way. If you have classmates or co-workers you're comfortable asking, you can see if they know anyone in their social networks who has similar interests, and if there are any events or gatherings they know of. Sometimes stores for specific hobbies will also hold events and that's another option.