Scarleteen

So since I've started estrogen my orgasms have become a lot more intense, and I have a tendency vocalize a lot now which has less to concerns about me moaning way too loud and embarrassing myself. Also, like while my sex drive is less active, I appear to be going through a change in preference for roles, I'm not always preferring bottom/sub, but I'm nervous about topping.

Hi KittyPink,

With the moaning, is your concern that you'd be embarrassed in front of a partner, or that you'd be overheard by someone else (like a neighbor or someone you live with)?

As far as roles go (once it's safe to go out and have sex with partners you don't live with), there are a few different things that could help. One is to look for some kink resources that talk about topping or domming for people who are new to it, both because you might find advice and it might be helpful to read about other peoples' experiences as newbies in that role. Another thing to remember is that what "topping" (or anything else) looks like during sex depends a lot on the people involved. So your best bet will be to talk to partners about what you'd each like from the experience and go from there.

Sam W wrote:Hi KittyPink,

With the moaning, is your concern that you'd be embarrassed in front of a partner, or that you'd be overheard by someone else (like a neighbor or someone you live with)?

As far as roles go (once it's safe to go out and have sex with partners you don't live with), there are a few different things that could help. One is to look for some kink resources that talk about topping or domming for people who are new to it, both because you might find advice and it might be helpful to read about other peoples' experiences as newbies in that role. Another thing to remember is that what "topping" (or anything else) looks like during sex depends a lot on the people involved. So your best bet will be to talk to partners about what you'd each like from the experience and go from there.

As far as the moaning goes I'm just embarrassed that I'm gonna be heard by someone else other than partner. Or that my voice is gonna crack .

Got it. In terms of not being heard by others, what to do depends a lot on where you're having sex. If it's in a shared house (or an apartment/dorm/other space with pretty thin walls), things like playing music, finding ways to muffle the sounds, or just making sure your windows are closed can go a long way towards keeping you from being overheard.

As far as your voice cracking, that's honestly fairly common during sex, so I suspect a partner either won't notice or, if they do, not think much of it beyond it being a sign that you're enjoying yourself.

Sam W wrote:Got it. In terms of not being heard by others, what to do depends a lot on where you're having sex. If it's in a shared house (or an apartment/dorm/other space with pretty thin walls), things like playing music, finding ways to muffle the sounds, or just making sure your windows are closed can go a long way towards keeping you from being overheard.

As far as your voice cracking, that's honestly fairly common during sex, so I suspect a partner either won't notice or, if they do, not think much of it beyond it being a sign that you're enjoying yourself.

Also, one thing with the topping is that I feel like it's gonna be difficult for me because I'm physically a small person, and that may pose some actual physical issues depending on what me and my partner like.

Can you say a little more about that? What things in particular that you'd want to try do you think your size might effect?

Sam W wrote:Can you say a little more about that? What things in particular that you'd want to try do you think your size might effect?

Being short and scrawny, mainly might make it hard for me to pin folks or something like that if that's what they like and bring short comes with its own set of problems

Hey KittyPink,

Hope it's okay I'm jumping in here My guess is with some communication and creativity you and your partner will find fun and pleasurable work-arounds to any challenges that difference in body sizes presents. Also, if you are exploring with your partner being more dominant during sex -- a lot of that will be in how you take on that role, which is much more expansive than needing to be physically larger than your partner. Does that make sense? What do you think about that?

I am hearing that you're having some insecurities about being in this new role. That makes lots of sense! When thinking about new experiences, questions and concerns often surface for us. But I'm also wondering, when you envision yourself topping or domming -- is there an aspect that you feel more confident in, or comfortable with, or excited about? Sometimes it can be helpful to bring those pieces in to sit alongside our nerves or insecurities.