Scarleteen

This quarantine really sucks, but at the same time, it's given me a long time to reflect. On what virginity is, what it means to lose it and what it even means to have sex in general. Like what's the point of it all and existential stuff like that, you know? I've been told plenty of times that the only thing that matters is what it means to me, but since I've never had sex before (casual or intimate), I can only make guesses about what I feel it means and that makes this whole self discovery thing a bit difficult.

I recently read an article saying that only half of high schoolers have had sex and most of the ones that do say that they wish that they waited and never had sex again. But the article didn't explain why they felt that way. I think that if somebody could answer a few questions of mine one by one, it would go a long way.

First, does this apply to one gender more than the other and if so, how? I know that due to social customs, male and female perspectives tend to be vastly different from each other. And I think that concepts like the double standard of men who have sex being seen as cool and women who have sex being seen as sluts might play a huge factor in the male to female ratio of people who regret losing their virginity.

Second, why do people value their virginity and why specifically do these people regret doing the deed? From the way I see it, this "regret" people have came in either one of two ways. They initially wanted it, did it, and then only valuing it after they did it. If they were pressured into doing it, they just simply wish that they didn't listen. The former is where I'm getting stuck. I mean, I imagine people who put no value on their first time to just have it happen like, doing the deed, deciding they don't like sex without intimacy and then they move on, no harm no foul. I'd imagine them viewing it like trying a new food, "At least, I tried it, so now I know." But these people specifically said "regret". So there's got to be something about that first time that made them start valuing it more.

(Just to be clear, I only care about the physical and emotional aspects related to it. I don't care about any religious reasons. You're allowed to believe whatever you want and practice your religion however you see fit, as long as it doesn't hurt or interfere with the lives of others. And to me, pressuring someone to go abstinent simply because "the Bible says so" definitely MORE than fits into BOTH of these categories)

Finally, what exactly did they wish they waited for? I mean, there is the obvious reason like waiting for the right person, but that one reason alone can't encompass everyone, could it? Is there any other tangible thing that they wish they waited for?

I think it's worth just thinking about how deeply different religious organisations have shaped non-religious aspects of culture and beliefs.

Really the whole idea of virginity is a cultural one; it's based on beliefs, even if the'yre not religious. The belief that there's a 'thing' you 'have' and then 'lose' and the value that folks place on eachother based on sexual choices is also kinda arbitrary. I think sometimes that pressure means that people have poor sexual experiences they might regret, but it can also mean that that folks have great experiences could regret that they have to go through judgement because of it, or because they've been asked to value that 'thing', they regret having to think about it, and whether they should have 'lost' the thing. That's especially difficult if you have other struggles to contend with. I imagine most people eventually move past that and end up in a community that reflects their own values and can eventually feel relatively good and accepting about their early sexual experiences.

I really feel for anyone who is trying to explore their sexuality in a community that ranks 'virginity' as an important thing, because honestly we could just as easilly treat it more similarly to any other gradual change in our past-times and health considerations.