Hi! Just wanted to update y’all and discuss my progress after the break up. It’s been nearly a month since we parted ways and honestly I’ve felt so much more at peace and a lot happier than when I was when I was with them. I have been focusing solely on myself, on my self-growth, and on recovering f...

That’s a good idea. I was going to meet with my mentor tomorrow but she got COVID. My other friend got COVID too. I hung out my with my family today and I can ask another one of my friends to hang out sometime this week. I can also reach out to my cousin. I do have people, I just feel like I haven’t...

Honestly, I don't want to get back together with her romantically or sexually. I was thinking maybe one day we could be friends, but her lack of acknowledgement makes that completely impossible. Her acknowledging what she did isn't really for me to feel better about the situation because what happen...

I guess maybe I wanted that acknowledgement because the apology feels insincere without it. Saying "Sorry I hurt you" doesn't really tell me anything. It gives no background to how she caused the hurt, what she did, and how she could remedy the situation. And saying "Sorry I didn't re...

Thank you, Sam. I really appreciate all the support Scarleteen has given me during this difficult time. I need another piece of advice. How do I move on from someone who doesn’t acknowledge their actions? I decided to message my ex to get my stuff back, tell them my boundaries (absolutely no contact...

It’s true. I know I did my best in this situation and that’s all anyone can ever ask for. But for the next relationship I have, I want to do better. My goal is to have a healthy relationship and build a strong foundation for a family. But in order to attain this goal of mine, I have to love myself f...

Honestly, right now, I’m in the phase where I’m just trying to make sense of everything. I genuinely thought that my ex was no doubt one of the people I was going to build a family with. We were even a part of each other’s families. My family had a great respect for her and her family loved me. We r...

How do I move on? And how do I accept that this situation was completely out of my control?

So, after talking to my mentor, my friend, and even my family about this, I decided I cannot do anything to help her at this time. First, I have to solve my codependency issue because if I don’t solve it, I’m going to fall back into the same patterns. Second, you’re right. Even if I did tell her, sh...

Something I actually realized now that I’m apart from this relationship is that I think my so-called friend is actually an abuser and I have a feeling that she love bombed my ex, manipulated my ex, and gaslighted my ex and I think THAT is why me ex was lashing out at me, not because of her mothers d...

That’s really true. And I think it’s an easier boundary for me to have in a relationship. Now what I have to practice is actually enforcing those boundaries by communicating them when I eventually do have another partner and, if my partner is crossing those boundaries, having the ability to end the ...

Absolutely. I told her that we shouldn’t be friends. Honestly, the fact that my ex is controlling who her friends speak to or don’t speak to is concerning. And it makes me worried for this friend. If my friend who I’ve been talking to about this situation wants to reach out to my ex for whatever rea...

So my ex’s friend reached out to me to say that she was there for me too, even though my ex and I split. So I took her word at face value and naturally I told her about everything. Big mistake. I told her that I was a codependent, I told her that my ex was emotionally abusive to me, I told her that ...

Thank you for all your help and support during this difficult time in my life! If I need help setting boundaries for myself and navigating my healing, I will definitely reach out.

After talking to my therapist, I realized I am a codependent and that allowing all my boundaries to be crossed and broken with no consequences is unhealthy. I also sought to fix my partner rather than addressing my own needs and just walking away when things got abusive and toxic. Honestly, I am ver...

Yes. I’m reaching out to my friend, I reached out to my mentor. I even talked to my family about this and I feel like I’m starting to build my support system again.

Im feeling relieved, but also in shock and heart broken. I just can’t believe that she basically threw our relationship away for a person she’s barely know for a month. I’m glad because she’s emotionally abusive and I don’t have to deal with that behavior anymore from her. But I’m also upset because...

So we broke up. Basically I was telling my friend what was happening between us and my friend expressed to me that zhe was extremely worried about us, particularly about my partner emotionally abusing me (they were the ones who kind made me realize it was that). The reason I didn’t feel like I could...

So we’re back at square one. My partner wanted to take a three week break so she could grieve the loss of her god mother without worrying about our relationship and I consented. We set up very clear boundaries about this time: 1. We would only contact each other once a day to update each other. 2. M...

Yes. I’m a musician and so maybe I can meet other musicians through musical events, concerts, etc. I can also see if there’s any local LGBT events going on. Another thing I would like to ask is if it’s possible to have a healthy relationship with someone who emotionally abused you? I do feel like my...

She was a volunteer for a community event my partner and I was hosting. I think what I need to do is find my own things I can do separate from my partner. I feel like our lives are just way too meshed and I want some space to have my own identity. And I think that way I’ll be able to find friends th...

I guess for me, the problem is that my partners friends are my friends and my partner’s friends have been there for years for them, whereas my partner’s friends are really only there for me because I’m my partner’s partner. I don’t feel like I really do have a “close friend” who I can disclose my th...

Thank you so much for sharing! I read the articles (and will be reading the book soon) and I’ve actually made a lot of progress and realized some boundaries that I have. I realized that I'm not comfortable with my partner dating my friends. Genuine friends to me are rare, and very sacred, and when m...

Thank you! I think we’re headed in the right direction, finally. It took a lot of time and effort, but we got there. And I definitely agree that I have to prioritize myself. It’s something I acknowledge I have to work on. I guess one question I have now is how do I set boundaries? How do I know what...

So sorry for posting the boundary thing like three times. I had no idea it was going through cause I didn’t realize there was a second page to this thread. Haha. Anyway, I completely agree. It is hard to set boundaries with a person who seems to not respect them. And she really did seem like she wou...