BDSM

[MoonStone7]

Hiya,

I've been wondering about this for a while, but am I weird if I like BDSM? I'm not sure if its normal or if I just have a really messed up mind...
Any advice would be appreciated, thanks.

[Johanna]

Hi, MoonStone!

No, you are not wierd for liking BDSM. Plenty of people do, after all, and if practiced safely it can be a very satisfying part of a healthy sexuality. Do you want to talk about why you are afraid that you have a 'messed up' mind?

[MoonStone7]

Hi Johanna,

Phew, I'm really relieved to hear that!
Well I just feel that way because most people talk about normal romantic relationships, so I feel a bit weird that I like a different type of relationship. I guess its because most people don't talk about BDSM and its become a sort of 'gross' thing to talk about. After all the recent talk in the media about BDSM, I guess if people knew I liked it, they would find me weird, crazy or a bad person.

[Sam W]

Hi Moonstone,

I will say that it can feel like BDSM has a stigma attached to it, especially if you talk to someone who has very little (or a very twisted) idea of what it looks like. But, in all honesty, it's just one of the many ways that desire can manifest itself. Too, it can help to remember that BDSM relationships often share a lot of traits with non-BDSM ones (and lots and lots of BDSM relationships take place within happy, "normal" romantic relationships). Good communication, respect, and care are all components of well-practiced BDSM, and they're all components of a healthy relationship. So, it can help to think of it as not an either/or situation. Someone who likes BDSM does not have to give up things like romance.

[Heather]

You might also find the results of this recent study of interest: http://reason.com/blog/2014/11/11/kinky ... odys-weird

Take particular note of this bit:

Common/typical: Sexual scenarios that appealed to 50 percent or more of respondents were deemed common, and those that appealed to more than more than 84.1 percent of the sample were deemed typical. These included:

Sex in "an unusual place (e.g., office, public toilets)": 82 percent women + 82 percent men
Having sex with two women: 37 percent women + 84.5 percent men
Watching two women have sex: 42 percent women + 82 percent men
Having sex with a stranger: 49 percent women + 72.5 percent men
Being dominated sexually: 65 percent women + 53 percent men
Dominating someone sexually: 47 percent women + 60 percent men
Being tied up during sexual activity: 52 percent women + 46 percent men
Having anal sex: 32.5 percent women + 64 percent men
Having sex with more than three women: 25 percent women + 75 percent men
Watching someone undress without them knowing: 32 percent women + 63 percent men
Having sex with more than three people, including men and women: 56.5 percent women + 16 percent men

[MoonStone7]

Sam,

Thanks for the reassurance - yeah, people normally talk about it in a negative way, which was why I was afraid there was something wrong with me. So thanks!

Heather,

I just checked out the website you linked, and to be honest it's made me feel a lot better! I never knew how 'normal' it is. Thanks so much for that

I'm really glad that I am not weird, thanks so much for clearing this up!!