Break through bleeding question

[Es7804]

I have had break through bleeding twice on my pills because of an antibiotic I have been on. I also lost my virginity last weekend and naturally I'm freaking out about being pregnant... Is break through bleeding (since its shedding of the uterus- right?) proof I'm not pregnant?

[Sam W]

Hi Es7804,

To clarify, do you mean you've gotten your withdrawl bleed (the thing that acts as your period while on the pill)? Or do you mean breakthrough bleeding as in bleeding while not on the placebo pills?

Also, was the pill the only type of birth control you used when you had sex?

And, if you're finding that you're anxious about being pregnant, that might be a sign that you're not quite comfortable with the level of sex you're having. If you'd like, we can talk about how to scale back to a level where you do feel comfortable with any risks involved.

[Es7804]

Im a week before the placebo period. I had btb yesterday and this morning but not since. And we used condoms and birth control. And I sort of feel that way... Everytime we get intimate, even to where we arent having sex, I'm still scared about getting pregnant.

[Heather]

Just so you know, breakthrough bleeding is a common side effect of oral contraceptives, whether someone is or is not using antibiotics.

I hear you saying you don't feel comfortable having the kind of sex that poses pregnancy risks, even when you're using two methods of contraception. Does that sound right? If so, how about taking that kind of sex off the table until you feel differently?

[Es7804]

That probably sounds like a good idea. My mom doesnt know I'm sexually active and would shun me and make me go to the gynocologist as soon as she heard, so thats a big part of it. I dont want to disappoint her but I also really love my boyfriend... But I'm not old enough or eqquipped to handle the responsibility of a child, and I have big plans for my future. This is all so scary.

[Heather]

We really need to trust our gut with sexual choices: it seems pretty clear to me yours is telling you that this kind of sex isn't right for you right now.

(And too, if you don't want to start sexual healthcare, that, all by itself, is a very good reason not to be having the kinds of sex -- namely oral, vaginal or anal -- where it's actually really important for your health that you and your partner are getting regular sexual healthcare that includes an annual exam and STI tests.)

Do you need any help setting these limits with your partner? We can really love someone and still opt out of any kind of sex that isn't right for us, for any reason.

[Es7804]

I agree, and I know I'm just mortified of someone looking inside of me there (embarrasing, I know). I have no clue how to tell him about how I feel, but I know he would respect how I feel..

[Heather]

Is this the first time you've set any sexual limits with him?

If not, how have you done that before?

[Es7804]

I have in the beginning when I was scared. He would go for it and I would stop him but he understood, and then when I was ready I would tell him.

[Es7804]

Also just to be clear, I interpret from earlier messages I shouldnt worry about being pregnant with the proper use of my birth control even with the spotting later on?

[Heather]

It sounds like one big problem that's happening here is that your sexual relationship isn't doing any real consenting. Consent means we are all always asking a partner before we do anything to or with their bodies, not "going for it," and only stopping if they say so, or continuing when someone doesn't say anything.

Would you like some information to read and share with your boyfriend about how to do sexual consent together properly?

[Es7804]

Yes please thank you, I didnt realize that was whats going on. Thanks for all of your help you dont know how much I appreciate it:)

[Heather]

Happy to help.

Wy don't you go through this yourself (and again, sounds like he very much needs to read this, too!), and feel free to pop back with any questions about it: Driver's Ed for the Sexual Superhighway: Navigating Consent.