girlfriends

[Johanna]

Welcome to the boards, Confused_me! I am sorry to hear you're feeling so scared and freaked. Feelings can do that to us, especially when they're all new and we don't know what to do about them. Can you talk a little about about what scares you about these feelings, and why you don't want to be attracted to your friend?

Just so you know, it is perfectly okay to have these feelings, and to be fantasizing about your friends. Your thoughts and feelings are yours alone, and whatever they are, they're perfectly fine and okay to have.

[Johanna]

While some people do still think that it's not okay to be attracted to the same-sex, it is actually perfectly alright. I am going to link you to some articles that I think you might find helpful:
The Rainbow Connection: Orientation for Everyone
Q is for Questioning

[Sam W]

Hi confused_me,

Ultimately, you know your friend better than we do, so you have a sense of how she is likely to react if you tell her your feelings for her. When you're weighing this decision, it can help to think about what you want from this conversation (just for her to know, or for her to reciprocate? Or something else?) and how that compares to what the most likely outcomes are based upon what you know about your friend. For instance, if she has expressed to you a distaste or dislike of same sex relationships, then she is likely not a safe person to tell your feelings to.

When it comes to the source of your feelings, I'd advise concentrating less energy on trying to puzzle out their source. That's partially because people are still debating and figuring out what shapes our sexual preferences, but more because your feelings are totally normal so you don't necessarily need to discover their origin. Instead, it can help to direct your energy towards reading about different orientations, taking some time to self evaluate and figure out if there is a particular identity that you feel fits you, and starting to try and unlearn some of the negative messages you've picked up around same sex attraction.

[Amanda]

Hi there,

Do you know any other gay, bi or otherwise queer or questioning people? Or know of any groups in your school or community that provide support for queer and questioning youth? Community, acceptance, and support are so, so important when dealing with questions and feelings about sexuality and identity. Basically, is there anyone else you trust that you could talk with about these feelings besides the friend you have the feelings about?

Don't feel like you have to make any quick decisions about talking to your friend about your feelings toward her. These kinds of feelings often go away on their own with time. In order to manage them and make them seem like less of a big deal, it's important to accept them, accept yourself, and avoid feeling shameful. You may choose to talk with her about your thoughts/questioning around your sexuality more generally, if you feel safe and comfortable doing so, in which case a true friend will accept you just as you are.

Also, your feelings of sexual attraction toward your friend are probably part of your overarching feelings of really liking her and feeling close to her. Sometimes friend feelings and sexual feelings overlap more often than we would expect or like them to. And that's ok. There are many ways to enjoy being close with someone that don't involve sex, so focus on enjoying those.