Detox/Anyone else with a similar experience to this?

[Sappho]

I am writing this here because I feel like it is a safe place and a sympathetic one. I was reading an article on this site by a woman who is a lesbian, and she was talking about indentification and definition of butch. It was fine until it really started getting really transphobic and I scrolled to the comments to see if anyone else called out the writer on this.I just encoutered more transphobia and even biphobia. I am left with a uneasy feeling inside. Has anyone else ever gone to a site relating to something queer, and it ended up being bigoted against others in the community?

[Heather]

Can you fill me in on how detox is related to this? The title just makes me think I am missing something. Also, you say this site: do you mean here at Scarleteen?

[Sappho]

By "detox" just letting out the negativity of gained from that site. I am sorry if it was comfusing. And I was just trying to be vague about the name of that website, I was unsure whether to directly name them - I definitely was not referring to Scarleteen.

[Sam W]

Hi Sappho,

Ah, I totally follow (and we were just checking to make sure it wasn't here, since that's something we definitely don't want in this space). And yes, I know I have had the experience of reading something in a space that I thought was friendly and going "yikes." I think that's one of the hard things about trying to navigate progressive, inclusive spaces, is that they can still harbor biases and phobias, and it can sting all the more because we thought it was a safe space.

[Heather]

By all means, alas, being queer doesn't necessarily make someone any more likely to be without their own biases and -isms. Just like...well, being anything doesn't. But if you have the idea or sense that higher expectations are something it's sound to have, it can sure be disappointing when you encounter the reality that even when people have faced discrimination themselves, it just doesn't always result in any more compassion or sensitivity for others.

So glad to hear that wasn't here! Do you feel like you'd like any help sorting out what is and isn't a safe and moderated space -- like we have here -- or help with self-care after you do read something like you did?

[Sappho]

Thank you, but I am fine. I was a bit shocked at the time I wrote the message but after writing here and ranting to some sympathetic friends who are aware of these issues, I felt better. I am glad Scarleteen is free of the bigotry of that blog and is so supportive. I guess I've just had a great experience with especially well-rounded writers when it comes to queer issues and beeen im saf spaces because I've been lucky enough to have never read anything like that before. I'd heard of it existing, but never saw it.

[Heather]

I hear you. The first time that we encounter big -isms or other bias or bigotry when we assume we won't find them can be so jarring and pretty rough.

I'm glad to hear you're feeling better, and also glad that this has been an outlier in your experiences so far.