Help with self image and sexual anxiety

[Jewelsy]

I am a 17 year old female and I am in a LDR relationship with my 18 year old boyfriend. We live in different states but he's coming to see me within the next month or two. We've been dating for nearly five months now. We get along really great, but I'm having some issues. I want to lose my virginity to him, but I'm kind of ashamed of my body. I'm about average height but I'm about 150 pounds and I feel like I'm a little bit chubby. I don't really have a problem with being chubby, but I know that I would feel more confident with a slimmer body. I'm worried that when my boyfriend and I have sex for the first time, I will look too big compared to him.. /: I want to be able to "perform" well and also I want to be sexually attractive when the time comes to lose my virginity. Do I need to work out more? Or should I just accept myself how I am? My boyfriend loves me regardless of how I look, by the way.

[Heather]

Hey there, Jewelsy.

Am I getting it right that either you two haven't met in person yet, or, if you have, you haven't been sexual in any way yet OR not in a way where you've been naked together?

If any of the above are true, the issue here with you feeling so freaked is probably because without any or all of that AND you not having had a sexual partner before, jumping right into something like intercourse -- or, if you haven't even met in person yet, any kind of sex -- would likely be MIGHTY fast for most people's pacing.

Getting comfortable with someone with your body like this is something that tends to be a gradual process you need time for, not a one-shot deal, or something where you're likely to walk in feeling comfortable. So, why not set aside thinking about intercourse or, again, even any kind of genital or naked sex at all just yet. How about instead you figure that as you two start to see each other in person more, you'll allow for this to be something gradual over time, where you take your time getting comfortable starting in the shallow end, as it were, and only gradually making your way to the deep end of things?

In terms of your own body image, separate from this guy or sex with anyone, what do YOU think would help you with your body image? Do you not feel healthy, and not have sound health habits, like just being generally active and eating in healthy ways? If not, then you'll probably feel better with some changes, and may also feel a bit better body image-wise. But developing a good body image usually has a lot more to do with working of acceptance, and seeing and experiencing your body as more than just something that's about how it looks to you or others, and seeing and experiencing it just as much as something that's an agent for living your life.