Lack of Arousal - What's up with that??

[CatastropheCat]

Let's start with this: I'm an 18 year old, lesbian female and I've never had an orgasm. I've only recently - within the past year - started really thinking about sex and masturbation, etc. The reason? I just... Don't get aroused. Like ever. Occasionally there's a twinge of desire when I read or think about something that I objectively find extremely attractive, so I know what it feels like, it just never happens. I've tried masturbating - I even have cute little vibrator that's helpful in stimulating my clit, but it tends to be an exercise in futility given the fact that it's just sensation. It's REALLY frustrating.

Problem is, I have no idea if this is normal, or if it's being caused by some of my medications, or what. I used to be taking an SSRI and birth control pills, but I've gone off of both (I've been off the SSRI for about 6 months and been off of the pill for 2 and a half months) because my gynecologist thought that one of them might be the issue. However, not much has changed despite this.

I'm not asexual, I don't think - I'm interested in sex intellectually - but, to sum up, I never get aroused. Is this a normal issue? Is it a unique case? What's up with this??

[Karyn]

Welcome to Scarleteen, CatastropheCat.

It sounds like your doctor has ruled out physical causes, and it's not terribly common for there to be physical causes for a lack of arousal in young people. What's probably going on is that you just don't have a terribly high sex drive at the moment, and that's okay. Some people are easily aroused, or are very interested in sex, other people aren't, and that tends to fluctuate over a person's lifetime. Probably the best thing you can do for yourself is try and relax - putting pressure on yourself to figure this out is only going to make arousal less likely.

I want to ask you, too: when you say that you're interested in sex intellectually, can you talk a bit more about what that means?

[CatastropheCat]

Thanks for the welcome! I've been using Scarleteen for awhile just because it's an awesome website for educating oneself, but I decided to become a member of the boards so I could ask this question.

I like the idea of sex just fine. I love reading sexy novels and fanfiction, for one, and I like the idea of being intimate with another person - connecting, causing pleasure, and receiving it too! But when it comes down to it, it's like there's this massive disconnect between what my brain wants and what my body wants. I can be making out with my partner and being touched, but still have my breathing be as steady as if I was reading a book! No arousal, no desire besides the intellectual one.

It makes me feel a bit broken, if I'm being honest...

[Sam W]

Hi catstrophecat,

A couple of things might be going on here. One is that, if you're stressed about life stuff, or just sort of prone to anxiety, that can have a pretty large impact on how you react to sexual touch. Something else might be that you just haven't yet encountered the things that feel good. We tend to get a lot of messages about what things should feel pleasurable, but the truth is that bodies react differently to things. So something to try with a partner (if you haven't) is to play a game of "does touching here, this way, feel good?"

Something else to think about (and you might have already tried this) is to find out if there's a way to recreate the things that you find mentally sexy with what you do with a partner