I'm not sure whether I'm bisexual or not

[xoxshandanxox]

Ok, so I've always thought I was straight. But for the past year or so I've started thinking, what if I'm not? I'm positive I'm not a lesbian but I feel an attraction to girls. Sometimes it will be from their looks, but a lot of the time I find it's their personality. I'm 14 and I'm really confused because I like guys, but then there is this feeling I have towards girls????

[Heather]

Welcome to the boards.

The thing with this stuff is that very few people are going to have a sense of what their orientation is when their sexuality as a whole is so new to them, and they've barely, if at all, begun exploring their sexual feelings about, and any kind of intimate relationships with, other people. Sexuality is a lifelong process for everyone, so big answers are often hard to come by, especially so early in life.

The good news is that no one has to know their orientation so soon -- or at any age, really. It's not like any of us need to check in with the Orientation Certification Committee or anything.

So, where you go from here is that you just see as you go, based on how you feel and what you know about yourself so far. And if you or someone else wants you to name your orientation -- and you want to -- then you use whatever words feel most true for you and you're most comfortable using. And when people are questioning like you are, the term "Questioning," is a term plenty of people use to name their orientation while they're in that process.

[xoxshandanxox]

Thank you so so much. I needed something like this to help me x

[Mo]

Hi shandan, and welcome to Scarleteen!

From what you've said here, that you know you are attracted to guys and are starting to notice attraction to girls as well, then bisexuality might be a good label for you - but it's really up to you how you feel comfortable identifying. It's fine to be unsure or questioning for now, and to focus more on your feelings than on what specific word to put to them.

If it helps clear things up, being bisexual doesn't mean you have to have to be attracted to men and women exactly the same amount, or in the same way. People who are bisexual might have preferences or experiences that look like "men tend to catch my eye more often but when I meet a woman I like, the attraction is a lot more intense!" or "I like people of all genders about equally but I've somehow ended up dating mostly men due to various circumstances," etc. There's a lot of wiggle room for variations in preference even under the big umbrella of bisexuality.

[Heather]

Of course!

If you haven't already seen these articles, they might help give you a little more:
• The Rainbow Connection: Orientation for Everyone
• Q is for Questioning

Anything else we can do for you today?

[xoxshandanxox]

Thank you guys so so so much. And I think that's all I need for now, Heather xx

[Heather]

We're glad to be of help. And you know where to find us now if you want to talk more about this another time, or need help or support with anything else!

[xoxshandanxox]

Hi guys!! So I've just found this again after about?? A year I think? And I just want to say thank you. You were the first people I came to about this and now I'm proudly out as pansexual to most of my family and friends and even have a girlfriend. I've lost a few friends a long the way because of this but the real ones have stayed and I'm so thankful because I don't think I'd be in this position right now if it weren't for you guys helping me! Thank you so much!!

[Mo]

Thanks so much for the update! I'm glad we were be able to be helpful.