Dilemma

[Breeze1892]

I'm in a really tight fix and I don't really know what to do.

It all started at the 1st semester where I started talking to a girl that I take a class with everyday. She seemed cool and it just felt nice always talking to her and she's always there to talk with.

The problem is I'm not sure but I think I've got feelings for her and it seems glaring to the class how I feel about her (I even get teased for it). I once tried asking her if she'd go out with me ever and she said no. Seemed like she was joking.

The fix is she once told me she's got a boyfriend that's in another uni and they're still together. With the way I feel about her it just seemed perfect not to mention my feelings as it would be awkward since she's still dating someone else. My bestfriend has tried talking me into telling her about how I feel as she's the only person I've told about how I feel but it just seems selfish putting myself ahead of her and not respecting her feelings and decisions.

I don't want to ruin our friendship as that happened the 1st time I got rejected by a girl.
Do I go ahead and tell her how I feel and possibly ruin our friendship and her own relationship or just continue to remain friends with her.

[Heather]

It sounds to me like she's already made clear that she doesn't share these feelings. She said no to going out, and she's with someone else, anyway. I know that sucks, but it's going to happen sometimes (pretty often, probably: it often takes a while to find something where we share feelings with someone else AND the timing is right).

So, I'd vote that you just work on accepting that, and just take care of your own feelings with disappointment about it, and if you want to have her as a friend, that that's the kind of relationship you focus on with her.

Again, sorry about this: I know it's a big bummer.

[Breeze1892]

Before she told she already had a boyfriend, I'd bought a book for her and totally intended to give her. Now that things are complex I'm not sure if I should give her the book since it's kinda like a romantic book: The Vow.

Do I still give her the book without making it look like I want to go out with her. And making things awkward between us or just give someone else (something I don't intend to do though).

[MusicNerd]

hey there, Breeze1892!

IMO, as someone who's a total book nerd, unless I had mentioned that book and how it was my favorite or something, I'd probably interpret it as someone being interested simply from the title/topic (especially if they'd expressed interest before).

let me ask you something: are you really okay with just being friends with this girl? (also, there's no right answer to this considering these are your feelings and feelings aren't "right" or "wrong" )

[Breeze1892]

I'm not sure I'm ok just being friends. I'm always gonna feel like if anything happens, I might still have a chance.

It might seem possessive and selfish but being friends is always going to make me feel like something is going to happen and I might just be lucky enough.

[Sam W]

Hi Breeze1892,

I think it's good that you're able to be honest with yourself about those feelings. If you're feeling like being friends is not going to work, then it's time to take a break from the friendship. Maybe that break won't be permanent, maybe it will, but you'll feel better in the long run not feeling as though you're constantly hovering on the sidelines waiting for your chance (and she'll feel better as well).