Coping with Jealousy

[Emma]

Hi all,
A common theme I've noticed popping up in the relationships myself, my peers, and other Scarleteen users have issues with is jealousy. It's one of the most uncomfortable emotions you can experience, since it has no clear release--sometimes, the subject of your jealousy (i.e. a straight-identifying partner with a lot of friends of the opposite sex) isn't even at fault, and that blamelessness can be frustrating and crazy-making. Self-blame and shame are common effects of intense jealousy.

Andi MacDonald wrote a great article about dealing with the "Green-Eyed Monster", but I figured I'd start a thread to discuss different coping mechanisms for when that monster attacks unexpectedly. My go-to is complete and utter honesty--I tell the friend/partner/colleague exactly how I feel, what I need/want from the relationship, and what I'm able to give to them. However, I'd love to hear your coping mechanisms, especially when it comes to more casual relationships where you might not have as much priority or say in who they see/befriend/bang (think a casual sex buddy or an unreciprocated/unfulfillable crush).

Feel free to discuss in this thread!

[Heather]

I'm a big fan of doing a lot of my own processing of, and reflection with, my feelings when these crop up. I'm not someone who tends to experience sexual or romantic jealousy much, but I do in other areas of my life, and I find that when I can just sit with my feelings -- accepting them, rather than trying to make them go away -- and do some work on figuring out where they're coming from, and then really process those bigger feelings underneath, it's pretty helpful.

For example, if I get resentful and jealous of a colleague who doesn't appear to be struggling like I am with money or getting help, when I spend time with those feelings, what I usually get to is that I simply feel upset, sad and tried from those struggles. Then, if I just let myself really have those feelings, and validate them, the jealousy or resentment tends to dissipate, because I'm letting myself really experience what's triggering them in the first place.