help talking to parents about relationship?

[zsazsa98]

Hey there! I'm 17 (cis girl) and am in a long distance relationship with a boy my age. We live about two hours away from each other, and because of that and scheduling, we only see each other once or twice a month for three or four hours. We're both okay with that, we've been dating a little over a year now. My problem is this: Because of the distance, sometimes when we see each other we overnight. We both still live with our parents, and we understand that by letting us do this, they're putting a level of trust in us to "obey the rules of the house". But, my boyfriend and I really like and trust one another and recently have been more sexual with each other. We're both very serious about boundaries and safety with this, so we're not diving into intercourse right away or even any time soon, just outercourse/petting, that sort of thing. But I don't like the secrecy of it, and I'd like to be able to go to my parents for advice or help should I want or need it.
I guess what I'm saying is, I'm worried that by talking to my parents about this, they'll prohibit me from overnighting with him ever again. It would make our relationship very difficult, and would cause a lot of tension at home. My parents (and his) are pretty liberal and relaxed about talking about sex, but in the way that says "I'm fine talking about this, but I don't like the idea of you doing it". They've never told me not to have sex, but I think they'd be hurt or unhappy if I were doing sexual things in my house (where I'm the "host") or his house (where I'm the "guest"). There's really nowhere else to do it though XD and definitely nowhere safer. It's important to me to figure out my sexuality, especially since it's looking like this is going to be a very long term relationship.
It'd be nice to feel secure in being sexual with each other, or even just sleeping in the same bed without feeling guilty.

TL;DR Afraid to talk to parents about sexual experience because they might seriously restrict my long distance relationship.
Any advice would be appreciated :)

[Sam W]

Hi zsazsa98,

This is one of those situations that's a little tricky. I think it's sound to want to be a little open with your parents about this, should you end up needing their help or advice. But, you have an indication that doing so would not have a positive reaction from them. Too, I will say that, even if you're careful, you may not be able to prevent them from knowing, so they might end up with this information anyway.

One thing to do is make a pro/con list for yourself, along with a list of the most likely outcomes and how you would feel about them and react to them. That way, you can run through the possible options, benefits, and costs of telling them, which might make the decision easier.

[zsazsa98]

Thanks for the input Sam. You're right that it's tricky XD It's kinda scary, the thought of them being upset and me being restricted in how I interact with my boyfriend; on the other hand, I don't want to have an emergency and bring this up for the first time then either. The pro/con list is a good idea though, thank you

[Sam W]

Glad it helped One other thing to think about is, if you decide to tell them, figure out what you want them to do with the information (in other words, why are you telling them), so that you'll have a sense of what you want from the conversation