Someone to talk to

[hermionegranger]

Hi.

I really just need someone to talk to.

So I'm almost 20 years old and I don't want to sound conceited but since this is anonymous I think I'm okay. I'm pretty, relatively popular, smart, and witty. I go to a four year Big 10 college and have a lot of friends along with a loving, doting family and a faithful boyfriend of 4 years.

Here's the thing. I want to get married to my boyfriend. He is very moral, sweet, sincere, kind, funny, and handsome, and I'm completely in love with him. In my ideal world, we would get married next year, right before our junior year of college. I thought he wanted this too. We have talked about it so much, even going as far as to tell our friends and family about it and even have picked out our venue and wedding party.

Now for the problem: my boyfriend has had a stressful day and we only were together for about two hours today. We were on Facetime when he decided to tell me that he doesn't know if he wants to get married. He says that I pressured him into having sex, into going to the university that we attend, what friends to have, etc etc, and now to marry me. I don't think this is fair at all. While I may have influenced him on certain things, I never forced him to do anything. And he influenced me just as much as I did to him. Now I'm just lying on my bed a mess and I can't talk to any of my friends or family about it because it would be too humiliating.

Also- he was supposed to propose this week. He told me he was going to.

Thanks for reading. What should I do?

[Heather]

This all sounds very hard, scary and confusing. Talk about a bad day.

Obviously, what he's said here all needs to be taken very seriously, and you two clearly have a bunch of big talks in your future.

But it sounds like step one for you, and what you need now, is to just process this - just getting started - and some support. By any chance, can you think of one friend or family member where, sure, talking about this still may be humiliating (I get it), but where that piece of talking and letting them in will be eclipsed by the support from them you know it will give you?

We're certainly happy to talk with you as well, but let's see if we can't also help you identify at least one person in your life you can find support from too, okay?