problems in bed

[jason12]

Hello
After a few months of dating my girlfriend finally said okay too trying oral on her,the problem is she dosent like anything i do. She says it feels too rough and that when she does enjoy it its for 3 seconds then its bad again, by rough i think she means the amount of pressure i use with my tounge,BELIEVE ME i can not possibly apply any less pressure there must be air between us now anyway. Ive tried doing several different techniques the one that worked the most was doing circles around the clitorus which worked 3 or 4 time's but now she said she dosent like it.

So does anyone have any advice or techniques to try that would be great

Thanks

[Snorkmaiden]

Some people's clitorises can be too sensitive to be touched directly. That might be the case here. You could try keeping a little bit of distance between in and your tongue, or maybe add a barrier such as a dental dam.

Also, does she have any suggestions? Maybe she has some idea of how she likes to be touched? It won't hurt to ask.

[Eddie C]

I just want to add that probably oral sex is just not going to be what she likes. Not all people like all sexual activities and there's nothing wrong about it. If after trying she keeps saying she doesn't like it, the best thing is to just take that activity off the table until she feels she wants to try again. But if that's not the case, then stick to the activities BOTH of you enjoy.

[Heather]

Something like this can feel awfully daunting, and pretty frustrating, especially when it feels like you're doing your best to be responsive to what your partner is communicating...and yet.

Related to what Snorkmaiden suggested, you can ask her to show you -- which can often work better than telling with this stuff, as words like "hard" or "soft" are pretty murky and vague -- how she masturbates so you can see for yourself the way she likes her genitals to be touched.

So, for instance, if she doesn't do any direct stimulation of the clitoral glans (the bulb-like bit you can see externally under the clitoral hood), and she's voiced what she has, then you can be pretty sure she just doesn't like that, so that's not what you want to do. If she, again, just as an example, puts her focus on the outside of the hood, or her labia majora, then that's a clue for you.

But like Sam said, you two also might want to talk about the possibility that oral sex just isn't her thing. Sometimes, there's no "right" way to do an activity with a partner because the thing you're trying to do just, no matter how someone does it, isn't something they like.