I'm confused?

[Girlygirl12345]

So, a few months ago, I started talking to a girl, let's call her "G" she was the only person that I talked to, and we had so much in common, we met on Instagram, so everything was pretty normal, then a few weeks ago, she told me that she liked me, and that she had liked me for quite a while, I'd always thought that I was a little bit bi-sexual, but for people like, Ruby Rose, or Beyoncé, gorgeous idolised women. Not "G" my best friend! I didn't really know where I stood with her after a while, because she was being flirtatious and telling me that she loved me, and it was getting a little overwhelming and weird, so I told her, that I didn't feel the same way, in a nice way, and that it would never work. And she said that she was okay with it, but I knew that she wasn't, I had just rejected her, of course she wasn't okay with it. So we now don't talk, I find it awkward to talk to her now, and I think she must feel the same way, I always want to tell her that I was trying to hide my feelings and that I want to be with her too, and that o love her, so that we can talk again, but i don't know if I'm using that I love her as an reason to get us to talk again, or if I actually do love her, because I think about her all the time, what do you guys think, Thankyou,x

[Heather]

This sounds like a pretty tricky situation, and I can certainly understand how your feelings right now might feel pretty confusing and tangly.

What I'd suggest is that you first just talk to her about how sad you are you don't talk, and that you miss her as a friend, because that seems very clear. You can tell her you'd like to be talking and close again, and acknowledge that yep, her putting that out there and your response probably made things a bit weird for a bit, but they don't have to stay that way if she can get past that, because you can.

And if she wants to get back in close contact after that, then you'll be able to see, probably in pretty short order, if you do in fact have romantic or sexual feelings for her, or if the thought, only after you two stopped talking, that you do was just about missing her and wanting to talk with her again.

How does that sound?

[Girlygirl12345]

Thankyou heather!
This really helped, although I have tried telling her that I missed talking to her and that I missed her company, but things are never the same! I feel manipulated to fall in love with her, because I miss the old conversations that we used to have! And I know I shouldn't feel like that but I do!
Thankyou so much anyway, I do think that I will try and talk to her again and tell her exactly how I'm feeling!x

[Heather]

Well, she's not manipulating you. In other words, I get how you feel, but I think we can agree that you're not being manipulated at all, you just perhaps feel like if you told her you were in love with her, you'd get some of what you want here. That sound about right?

If so, it might help to consider, as you seemed to know right from the start, that if she's taking space, it's probably just so she can manage her own feelings well, and take care of herself. Which I'm sure is what you'd want for any of your friends. So, when you talk with her, you might also just want to make sure you let her know that if she still wants or needs space for herself, you totally understand, but if that changes, she should know her friend (you) would be glad to hear from her again. If she's up for it, you two could also talk about how, indeed, things might not ever be exactly the same, but that doesn't mean that's a problem. It's common for every kind of relationship, including friendships, to change over time, and just because something's different really doesn't have to mean it's lesser or a bad thing!

But I do think that until you feel differently than you're talking about here -- where telling her you have romantic or sexual feelings for her feels 100% like a choice, not like a means to an end -- you won't want to do that. You obviously don't want to hurt her in the ways that would, or yourself, either.

I hope this talk goes well for you!

[Girlygirl12345]

I don't think I used the word manipulated, quite right. I don't really know what to put in replacement to it, if I'm honest, she isn't doing anything wrong at all, and I do understand that she needs personal space, but going from talking everyday to not talking at all, is pretty dramatic for personal space. I think we both feel a bit silly, and awkward around each other now, and I hope it goes well too, thanks.