What should I do?

[Ashley.IDK]

Ok. This is a very long story. Me and my boyfriend "Alex" have been dating for 7 months. He started as a very sweet concerned caring guy. Which i needed since i had felt alone for most part of my life. At first us dating was dating was just something that happened. We were sort of friends but not that much. He asked me out and after a while i said yes. I feel in love with him not even 3 weeks later. He was perfect to me. But then on January 1 I made the worst mistake of my life. I actually did everything backwards and lied, telling him that I cheated on him with a friend of mine named "Jonah". Well it wasn't really a lie i was drunk and high out of my mind. So i didn't really remember what happened. For 2 months i believed that i was raped by a friend when i imagined the whole thing. I felt sick. He had already been so hurt by it so i didn't have the heart to tell him that it never really happened. So i just kept the new found info to myself. We slowly got back to normal after i "cheated". I still cant tell him and its been 4 months since i found out what really happened that night and I still cannot say. That problem #1

Problem #2: "Alex" is a very possessive, controlling, jealous teen. I tell him all the time that there's nothing to worry about but he never believes me. I really do love this boy with all my heart and soul. Its sad to say that Alex has hit, slapped, chocked, and even rape me. He said the chocking and the hitting is because i made him mad and because of the "cheating" i did with Jonah. The rape was something else. We were having sex (anal) and i asked him to take it slow. He did at first but then he started going harder and faster and i asked him to stop because it was really hurting. But he didn't, he just said "Its okay, just wait. I'm almost done". He felt bad afterwards. I just sat there for 30 minuted telling him that it was okay and i forgive him. Which i do but i feel like i shouldn't or i feel like should feel something other than complete understanding and love for him. Which he honestly doesn't deserve.

[Sam W]

Hi Ashely,

It looks like you've covered some of this with Mo on our chat room. So, you might not be surprised to hear me echo what Mo said, which is that you need to get yourself away from Alex as soon as you can. He has physically hurt you and sexually assaulted you, and that means he is not a safe person for you to be around (and, what we know from studying lots and lots of abusers is that the abuse tends to escalate over time. I don't say that scare you, but to let you know that this is likely to get worse, not better, if you stick around).

If you want, we can talk about ways for you to cut contact with him as safely as possible for both your body and your heart. Because, as you've noticed, even when people really hurt us, we can still focus on the the parts of them that we love, because people are not awful 100% of the time. It's not weird or bad for you to still feel love for Alex, but you need to realize that all the love in the world is not going to change him, or protect you the next time he decides to hurt you. Someone who loves you, truly loves you, will not do what he is doing to you.

Have you told anyone besides us about what's going on, or sought out any resources like counseling?

[Ashley.IDK]

No, I haven't I have no one to talk to this about.

[Sam W]

Okay, I wanted to check. Is there anyone you feel you could talk to about this and ask for help. Family, other supportive adults, friends?

I'm also going to give you this article, as it will give you some suggestions on how to plan you next steps. Then can talk about those, or how you feel about them, if you'd find that helpful: The Scarleteen Safety Plan