Been feeling crappy and depressed

[xmetalgirl]

I've just been extremely depressed recently. I have anhedonia for sure and I'm always isolated and alone. I've always been bullied in elementary and highschool and even a little bit before in the beginning of university (now I just have no friends because I cut them out for always treating me badly).
I have been to therapy and meds and I have been through everything...nothing really works because I'm still alone/isolated because everyone I meet always treats me crappy. I'm only happy when I'm not around people, except my boyfriend or my mom because theyre the only ones who treat me with respect. But I just wonder and get seriously depressed about why I can't make friends, maybe something is wrong with me, I have social anxiety now and I'm not sure about anything anymore
I dont want to try anything anymore because 1.I just dont find anything fun anymore seriously have developed anhedonia now and 2. I hate people. Therapy and everyone who tries to help always tell me to "join a club at school" "volunteer" "connect with people"things like that.... I HAVE ALREADY TRIED IT A MILLION TIMES! I have tried being friends with millions of people and people always end up being horrible to me.I hate everyone at school, they're all narcissistic and I do not fit in AT ALL anywhere. People also always stick in their groups and cliques and I have never ever been able to fit in a group ever since elementary school. Even when I try to make friends, they don't like me. They think I'm boring/odd/too mature/bully or insult me/ignore me etc. There is way too many stories but I'm serious. I'm not lying or making it up, I have been through a lot of stupid and bad experiences with people and trust me I have never bullied or insulted anyone, hurt anyone or did anything mean to anyone! I'm always nice, way too nice. So i'm not sure if it's because they pick on me easily because of that. I don't know anymore. But I have always been treated awfully. Where I remember even to the point I couldnt even walk to school because people waiting in front of the school would be calling me "stupid goth satanic bitch"

It's just been worst for me ever since i started university again. I keep getting more depressed and even starting to get really bad social anxiety now. I'm freaking scared to talk to anyone now! I tried to make friends with this guyin the first week, we talked online from before for months, we met from our school page. he was always excited and kept saying "You have to meet my friends, youre so cool blaahblahlah" and then when we met in person, he seemed like he did not like me because I was too mature. He showed me some really stupid videos and shows on his laptop that he was busting out laughing and I just did not find any of it funny. It was like guys dancing naked and breaking stuff, it was soooo stupid to me in my opinion. Then after in the end before he left, he said was "Well, see you around" and hasn't talked to me since, of course.

People always judge the crap out of me, even professors, teachers, students, strangers etc. I'm not sure if its because I dress kind of goth or because I'm very quiet. On Friday, my professor told us that "you guys can ask any questions you need to, no questions are stupid" It was only the second class and this course is blended, some classes are online and some are in person. I knew the times of the schedule but I wanted to make sure I got them down correct so I thought I could ask her if I had the right schedule times down. So I said something like "are the schedule times in blue mean that it is online?"
She just goes "WHERE YOU NOT HERE LAST WEEK?"
Me "I was here last week..."
Her "WHERE YOU NOT LISTENING TO ME THEN? DID IT JUST GO OVER YOUR HEAD?" She looked at me like im a complete idiot and did this gesture of her hand flying over her head, like if I was not listening the first class and the information just went flying over my head
Me "Well umm.." I was getting really nervous and starting feeling so awful that I became speechless (which I have always done all my life, dont know how to be mean back or talk back to people in situations like this seriously.)
Her "well yeah they are the times blahblahblahblah!!!!"
SHE COULD OF JUST SAID "Yes those are the times" LIKE A NORMAL PERSON.
Then later, while I was listening to the lecture, I was just twiddling my headphones in my hands and they werent playing music and I had one in my ear and I kept putting it in and out of my ear lol I dont know I was just twiddling and fiddling with them but I was clearly not listening to music! Clearly I'm staring at her in the face and listening to the lecture and she goes again "HELLO YOURE NOT LISTENING TO ME" and I go "These arent onor on my ears" Her "WELL DO YOU WANT ME TO START NAGGING YOU!? Meanwhile everyone in front of me I see them texting and not listening and are on facebook on their phones. WHY DO PEOPLE ALWAYS PICK ON MEEEEEE? Everyone else who actually does bad stuff gets away with everything and I'm always the one who gets wrongfully accused! I went home and cried so much. I really cant take being treated like crap anymore.
I dont want any mental healthcare or go to the councillor. Theyre going to say the same things I have heard before. I know for sure and really dont think there is nothing wrong with me, it's other people that makes me feel like pure crap. Cause when they arent around, im completely fine.
I would not be depressed or have social anxiety if people treated me better and didnt make me feel unwanted and I didnt have to feel like I have to avoid them to be safe and protect myself
What can I do? Is there anyone out there to give me warm and comforting support? I just want someone out there to actually be caring and not insulting. People always made fun of me for even telling them about how I feel. One guy who i was friends (who is completely self absorbed and a bully) I have told him about how I feel lonely and stuff. He was all nice and fake to me about it. And when I was becoming friends with someone else, the bully guys says to the person "Dont talk to her, shes depressing and weird. she never smiles blahblahblah" Of course, the guy listens to the a-hole and stops talking to me. Even though i do smile...that bully guy just always used to insult me and tell me I was scary and weird, of course that's not going to make me smile ! WHY DO PEOPLE USE YOUR INFO TO BACKSTAB YOU TOO?
I would always ask my boyfriend "Am I really that scary? Why does no one ever like me? Is there something wrong with me?" and he would say"no you smile a lot and youre very nice and pretty blahblahblah. People are just nasty and they like to put down people that are different etc" Is this really true? I cant tell anymore. I'm starting to believe maybe somethings just wrong with me :C

[Sam W]

Hi xmetalgirl,

I'm sorry that you've been feeling this way and going through all this (and your professor did not, in my opinion, have a very professional reaction in her classroom). I want to ask, have you had any luck finding community spaces online where you feel comfortable and accepted? Because those might be places for support when you're feeling like you're struggling to connect with people in the off-line world.

I have to say that, in my experience, some people do indeed like to go after those who are visibly different than them (or deviate from what they think is normal). Because some people are jerks, or even if they're not jerks, they've grown up in a culture that isn't always kind to outsiders. And I agree with your boyfriend that sometimes people are just nasty. Not everyone though. I know that sounds like a platitude, but the longer you're alive and the more people you encounter, the more people you meet who you get along with and who you can be friends with. It can take much longer than you'd like, but you do eventually find your people, whoever they are.

I do urge you to check out campus mental health resources. I know you're reluctant to seek them out, but you asked what you can do to deal with all the negative stuff that's happening (both inside your head and outside of it), and a therapist is someone who could help you figure out ways of coping that work for you. You can't snap your fingers and make people not be jerks, but you can figure out ways to let their unpleasantness roll off you as much as possible. Too, you can be up front with the professional you see and tell them that you find that certain approaches or stock responses don't really help you, so they can figure out a way for you two to communicate that doesn't set you on edge.

[xmetalgirl]

I have been to therapy before, where I have been told that some people do suck and to not listen to them lol
I have kind of been doing that. It's not that I'm listening to them...it's more like....I just don't understand why people have to be so awful to one another and I cannot understand why so I have been getting depressed about it and just avoid everyone. Which has been a step better because before I used to feel crappy by their words affecting me but now it's more like I just dont understand all of this negative crap people throw at one another. Why do they do this man!? I daydream and think too much where in my head, it's a perfect paradise and I picture people being kind but then I go out into the real world and it's opposite. Should I just forget this and stop getting my hopes up? lolol

[xmetalgirl]

Oh and also I have not really found a community online. I have been on this other site and it''s been okayish/kind of good. I like this site a lot for asking questions and support sometimes but generally I wish I could talk deeper/make penpals/friends etc on here. I know the rules say it's not safe and such. It's okay I follow the rules lol but I'm just saying that right now in my life, I am looking to have more deeper connections with people.
I hate Facebook and Instagram. Havent had them for two years and its been lovely and so much better without it lololol

[Redskies]

Hi, xmetalgirl. I hear you, and I care.

I think perhaps I'm not best placed to offer you a whole lot of advice, but I'm thinking some other folk in our community may be, if that's a thing you want. Your first post especially was pretty expressive, and I hope it maybe helped some to just put some of those feelings and events out there; if one of your needs here is to simply express yourself and be heard, we can absolutely do that for you.

I have some experiences with lonelinesses and not-fitting-ins myself; if you feel like me sharing some bits and pieces might help you, I'm happy to do that. Not going to weigh in with that unless and until you said you want it, though, because this is your space for what you need and what you think will help you best.

(A note on forming friendships in this community: yep, I agree this feels like an excellent space to do that! We - that, is, staff/vols - would encourage everyone to use the boards to connect and talk as much as you like. We do have to stick with not ever having users' personally identifying details on the site, though, even though sometimes we also wish it wasn't necessary; given that this is an online space specifically for young people to talk frankly and openly about sex, the safety issues are very genuinely serious. It's a sad but necessary trade-off for having the kinds of conversations we have here.)

[xmetalgirl]

Well I guess that is true. After I wrote that giant thread and vented lol and now that I see that people are reading and answering me is actually helping a lot. I dont feel left out or ignored like I do at school. I'm also glad you guys are listening, caring and helping out. You guys are part of the good people in this world lol. Thank you all!
If you want to tell me about your experiences I would be happy to hear your stories as well. It will also be most likely helpful to not just myself but everyone else on here too, of course lol

[Heather]

When you talk about counseling, I hear you talking about what counsellors have said. But therapy usually isn't about counselors or therapists telling us things, nor is it about what is "wrong" with us. Not good therapy, anyway. It's supposed to be more of US talking, the counselor actively listening, and then the counselor or therapist guiding us to deeper insights and giving us practical tools to help ourselves, including coping with any of the struggles of our lives. Does that sound at all like your experience? If not, the problem probably wasn't counseling, as a whole, not being good but your counselor or therapist not being very good. Make sense?

Mind, you still get to pick what you feel is right for you, but just putting that out there.

You know, in my early teens, due to being different in a bunch of ways, including being queer, I also dealt with a lot of peer harassment and isolation. Like you, I was also a spooky girl (long live awesome spooky girls!), though of the punk variety, as this was before black or death metal or goth culture.

For me, my therapist helped a ton (as they did with helping me cope with living in an abusive home), but so did just finding my people. It was a very small group, mind, and it took some doing, but even just a couple people made so much difference. Later on, I switched schools, to an arts school that offered me both more of a fit with the things I loved and felt passionate about, but also connected me with other peers that were a lot more like me. I think one thing to always keep in mind is that more people than not will have just a couple or a few people they feel akin to, close to, and at home with, rather than a giant group of friends. Often even the people with what look like a ton of friends aren't actually friends with most of those people, and don't feel like they have the support of tens or hundreds of people (because they usually won't).

So, one piece of advice I can give there is to follow your interests and passions, as that will tend to more easily connect you with your people. You need to find the other cool, spooky goths: they're out there!

I do also want to add that depression and social anxiety are not only situational, they're also chemical. So, chances are that even if everyone behaved radically different, those things wouldn't be magicked away, alas. And by all means, both those things make struggling with the social issues you are waaaaaay harder. It's a bit of a catch-22, in that when you've got those things going on, you're going to often feel like you hate people or everyone is mean (and if you're getting harassed, of course, people harassing you ARE being mean), and when you feel that way, people will tend to steer clear, because negativity like that tends to project itself. So then you wind up getting proof that people are, or having more people who are kind of drawn to you, because people who aren't don't tend to feel inclined to connect with someone where they are assumed to be jerks from the front, if you follow me. And of course, if you're depressed, it also saps the hell out of your energy, and makes even trying to connect socially much more challenging. These are some of the common big social struggles with both depressed and socially anxious people.

Do you have access to a library or the ability to buy books? If so, there are a couple I'd suggest for you that might be helpful, especially if you feel like DIY-ing it is a better fit for you right now than therapy or medication, and also that might help with the strain of being in a crappy place socially right now.

[Sunshine]

Hey there,

I haven't much to add after all the thoughtful, lovely, intelligent people who have already replied and am just dropping in to say I read your posts and I am very, very sorry you have to go through all this. Some of it resonates with me and my own experiences. I feel for you (even though we probably feel completely different).

You're not alone in all this. Your own experiences are unique, of course, but there are other people in the world who are able empathize, or at least sympathize with you. You're being heard. And I wish I could reach through the computer across the planet and give you a hug right now - if you like hugs, that is, which maybe you don't (some people hate them, which I'll never fully understand, but you gotta accept things like that. Never hug without consent - that's a lesson I learned the hard way...).

I always have a hard time telling people things will get better, because I don't know if they will and I personally don't find it helpful when somebody says that to me. But you deserve to feel better, at least, and I want to encourage you to do anything in your power to make that happen, whether it's looking for a better therapist / counseling service, reading some good books at Heather's suggestion, seeking out the support of your mother and boyfriend or venting by writing long posts online. Whatever it takes to get by. You're worth it. I know this because I do and besides, everyone is.

[Redskies]

I'm glad that venting helped! I'm also very deeply happy to be "one of the good people in the world" - I hope! - and contributing to creating a space where people can feel like that about others. What lovely compliments for all of us, thank you.

I'm fortunate enough not to have had a bunch of experiences where people were actively horrible to me (wait what the hell is wrong with that statement, right, that should not be a thing of fortune), but I've had a whole lot of feeling very much on the outside of things. I've had more "too serious" "you think too much" "freak" "odd" "boring" "weird" "lighten up" than I can count, and a few "too sensitive" and "stupid" for good measure. Having written that short list just now, I'm really with some of what you said in your first post, xmetalgirl, and thinking it all belongs under the subheading "ways of identifying jerks".

There was some dysfunction and emotional abuse in my household, so I think that peopling was going to be a thing that I needed to actively learn more than some other people do. The community I grew up in was fairly narrow, although I really didn't realise that at the time. There were really hardly any people I connected with and found it deeply mutually rewarding to spend time with. There were some nice people, some of whom I'm grateful to have called my friends; but I mostly experienced friendship more as "spending time with people so as not to feel crappy and alone". Which, is kinda a part of what it is, but there's other things too, and I was really missing out on those and had no sense of what they'd feel like or look like in my own relationships. I saw other people having friendships with those other things in it and felt like there was something terribly wrong with me that I didn't have those and didn't know how to get them even though I tried. I was really, really lonely. I had no concept that there might be other people a little like me in the world, let alone where those people might be or what forms they might have (eg, what kind of people? what kinds of interests? what kinds of outlook on the world?). I didn't have a concept that there would be people in the world who would actually enjoy knowing me, who would like me specifically because of some of the characteristics that other people only read as "too serious" etc.

Happily, I met - stumbled into, I think - a few of those people, and it's helped a lot to show me the kinds of communities where I might find more, and to find out what rewarding friendships might feel like to me. It's definitely going slowly, but it's progress! Previously I got stuck with a few things that didn't feel good and weren't healthy, because I didn't know how to build a whole healthy thing but I've always been good at listening to people, and so the people I was ending up around were people who just wanted to unload on someone and didn't really care who. Eesh, no. I definitely don't recommend isolation generally as a solution to anything, but stopping that pattern and having some time where I wasn't connecting much with anyone was a part of moving towards something healthier for me. (If anyone's wondering, volunteering here is a super-healthy and structured venue for my liking of listening, and makes it easier for me to not be The Listening One in my personal life.) I'm still figuring out real ways forward for myself, which is why I don't have a collection of suggestions and advice. I'm hoping that me-from-5-years-in-the-future would have a lot more of that!

I also had the deep frustration of trying to find information and advice on how to go about connecting with people more, trying to do it, and having it not help one jot. That really Did make me feel like something was wrong with me! Turns out that I thought something was a rule of interaction which is not, after all, a rule, and no-one else thought that anyone might be trying to apply that framework, so it took 29 years and one especially listening Partner for me to identify the problem and realise why no-one's advice worked or felt relevant. I also think that suggestions for connecting with people don't really work out if there aren't people who are compatible; for some of the people I've known, there was nothing wrong with me and nothing wrong with them, we just weren't on similar wavelengths. Basically, so much "yes" to what Heather said about finding one's own people.

xmetalgirl, I did have one thought - very much like Heather's! - from your username and the suggestion that you might present goth-y. Have you been/are you connected with any other goth- or metal- type people? I've beome punk- and goth-adjacent through some acquired family - even though my own personal style is more toddler-paint-palette - and seen a good number of kind, accepting and thoughtful folk who've also been called miserable weirdos at some point in their lives. Any possibilities around you for "Not Actually Miserable Weirdos, unite!"?

[xmetalgirl]

Heather - When I asked my therapist for advice for me to start doing something with myself and not being so bored or whatever, she kept suggesting like a club at school or whatever and I was just like noooo lol I literally read every freaking club at my school and they have absolutely none of them in my interest. It's all like sports, popular nerdy things, I don't know all this trendy type of things. Nothing of what I'm interested in and also I probably wont meet anyone that I would connect with from there. Trust me I've tried. She was good though I was able to learn to become more confident and to cope with things, I just did not like what she suggested me to try lol. I cannot find anyone who likes the same things as me. In my city, it is extremely rare to like metal here, it's considered underground here. That is why Ive been depressed, I can't connect with anyone and I feel alone. And the people who were mean to me just made it worst because I dont understand why people have to be mean to one another. I know all the strategies and coping with life, believe me I've been through it all already, books, online, therapy, councillors etc. But when you can't fit in, you can't fit in. Even if you try, you just cant. And when you can't find a group of friends because no one else is into the same things as you are, then it gets lonely man lol what else am I suppose to do? Also I do take care of my brain chemical wise lol. I take natural antidepressants sometimes, exercise etc. and it does work very well!...but it doesnt help that I cant find any homies.
Venting online I noticed has helped though. At least people are listening

Sunshine - Thank you <3 youre very kind. venting and kind people like you who comment and read help a lot lol

Redskies - damn, youve had quite a journey. I guess this made me realize that everyone's got a journey, ways of learning about the self, etc. LOL at "ways of identifying jerks". yesssss. its true because everyones different, dont judge us. And no, i cannot find any metal or goth person ever in this city, school, work etc. Metal and Goth culture is pretty much dead in my city, its not the trend. Its considered underground. I see a lot of people at school in groups,tons of hipsters hanging with each other, nerds, jocks etc. lol there is nooooooo metal or goth people. thats why I just wish I could get my group and clique and fit in for once!!! the only metal person I know is my boyfriend and is a very rare person to find lol. least I have him. its so hard to fit in here and i really dont want to try to fit in with people who are different anyway. that wont work out well

[Heather]

Okay, I feel you.

So, one thing I'd suggest is that you don't try and fit in. Seriously. You don't actually have to, and when we don't, it doesn't have to be a bad thing. Personally, I think being unusual and weird beats the alternative in so many ways, by miles.

And there's this social thing that can tend to happen when you just claim your own weirdness and stop trying to fit in, which is that often, people get more open and interested. Mind, it might mean a few years of really getting to that, and I know how that can suck (oh, do I), but in the meantime, you get to be yourself, not try and make yourself be someone you're not to get other people's time or attention, and probably feel a whole lot more at peace and more right with yourself than you would if you tried to fit in so hard, even if that netted you more people. After all, if those people didn't actually like YOU, for exactly who you are, they probably wouldn't be so great to have around anyway, just like you've said.

Do you also think perhaps you might be able to try and flip the script a bit on feeling alone? I mean, it's okay to be alone and feel alone if we actually like our own company and do have, as you do, at least one or two people we love and know love us. Where that doesn't tend to feel okay is if we don't like our own company, or don't figure out how to be happy alone sometimes and really reap the benefits of having few or fewer social demands. Do you know what I mean?

In terms of managing chemical depression, that's a question for a healthcare provider: "natural" antidepressants aren't actually often found to be effective, but a healthcare provider can tel you all of your options that have been found to be effective. We can't provide that kind of care here, but as I said, I'm certainly happy to suggest some reading for you on these subjects.

Per what you're saying about goth and metal culture being underground: have you, then, sought out that underground? I get you, punk culture was for me, too, but a) if it was mainstream, I probably would have hated it (can't speak for you, just speaking for my young self), and b) I just found that underground. That's kind of the deal with any kind of counterculture, you just need to find where it lives. When it's counterculture around a kind of music, the first stop for that is usually shows/concerts.

If it helps, people tend to be mean -- or lack compassion for one another -- because of their own fears, and because they're not managing them or even cultivating an awareness of them. That doesn't make it okay, but that's the most common big why of cruelty, because people feel afraid of being hurt themselves, so they lash out at others to try and keep themselves from being the ones attacked. It doesn't make any kind of sense as a tactic, really, and of course, it is crap. But the why of it isn't that complicated, it's just kind of pathetic and very messed up, is all.

[xmetalgirl]

It's just that I've been alone pretty much all my life. I'm not sure how to be happy alone anymore. It's boring now and I cant think of new things to do anymore with myself, I dont really like going in public by myself because I hate seeing other people being with other people. I dont know how to explain that lol. And I always feel empty and an outcast and I just think it's not fair! Ive tried applying for jobs but no one wants to higher anyone with no experience -_-
I wouldnt want to volunteer where I live. When I volunteered at an old folks home it made me depressed seeing them sick and such (I pretty sure that I'm an empath) and majority but not all of the homeless people here are dangerous, they can be very harassing when youre walking downtown.I dont really want to volunteer in general anymore since I am more worried about getting myself together
I just havent found my thing. I already did so much of my hobbies that I have found them boring to do now.
All the metal people and such that do go to concerts all live in other cities and even America and other countries lol
they come to my city when bands come because it's a big, popular city
I just don't know what to do anymore

[Redskies]

It's sounding like you're feeling pretty Done with being or feeling alone. I think I get that; I know I've felt one version of Done myself when I just couldn't face going and doing things I liked and wanted to do by myself any more, when it felt like that's the only way it'd been for years.

You're also sounding Done, at the moment, with people generally and with ways of trying to reach out and connect. I get that, too - after a collection of bad experiences, it can get pretty disheartening and be all Everything Is Crap and People Are Crap.

The thing is - and I hope it'll be ok my saying this, as it's from a bit more of an insider perspective and not just a critical outsider - at some point, one of those things has to give and you have to accept and open up to a part of one of them. Maybe not today: we all get to be Done with all of this occasionally for a little while, maybe vent and recharge. Maybe you need a little space and time to acknowledge that the situation has been and is hard and crappy and that you feel crappy.

It's not healthy to end up stuck in a rut of being Done with all the options, though. Again, it's okay if that's where you are right now. But you're also sounding like you really don't want it to be this way, so sometime soon, you have to pick one of the options - getting more ok with being yourself by yourself and following your own interests yourself, or following up some more possibilities for meeting people - and find a little space in yourself where you're willing to do it.

Responding to a couple of the concrete issues you raised: I get the problems of having few or no appropriate people around, I do! Thing is, if you're in or near a big city, there's going to be Someone, Somewhere, who at least overlaps with a decent part of what you're looking for. Things that I would try in that situation: is there a shop/s which sells goth-y clothes and/or jewellery? Maybe people working in a shop like that know about a hangout space, or - if there's so few people in the culture in that city - maybe they'd be happy to meet a new person. Music stores: that's CDs, instruments, and sheet music. Some of them may be no help at all, but some of them might know where and how to find people who are into metal. I think I'd go in and talk to the people working there about the music you're into and ask if many/any other people go in there for that sort of thing, and see if it gets you anywhere. Some might even have some adverts for fellow appreciaters or bandmates - obviously adverts for bandmates aren't quite the thing, but if there are so few people into the music in your city, I don't think it'd hurt to try and see if they also want to meet someone new.

If your old hobbies aren't really sparking for you, is there anything new that you might want to try, or things you've wanted to try before that you haven't got round to yet?

I'd also second Heather's advice about making sure you're taking care of your mental health. It sounds like you already know that lack of pleasure and disinterest are common parts of depression; like Heather said above, for sure, being in a crappy and uninspiring situation for some time can definitely trip that off, but your brain being in those spaces is also going to make it harder than necessary for you to be able to make any positive changes available to you. No need for all this to be harder than it has to be! Again, the things you've tried and which weren't fitting the bill for you aren't your only options for that, and I'll also say that Heather has a pretty darn impressive success rate at suggesting helpful reading resources to people, if I can tempt you to consider that

[xmetalgirl]

Well ever since I wrote this thread I have felt much better lol. It's weird how that worked lol. I blew off steam and all the helpful, caring answers has made me forget about people and the professor lol. Also the professor again did something stupid, not just to me this time but the whole class now. I had in mind when Sam W said she was unprofessional, I didn't get mad this time it just rolled off and I laughed at how she's just being crappy at her job and tries to make herself look good by always insulting the class.
Also all of the helpful answers has got me thinking these past few days. I do enjoy being in solitude and I was just making lists of new things to try so I dont get bored. It has already helped tremendously. Dragged my boyfriend to the art gallery yesterday lol
Maybe all I need is a little Scarleteen board to get warm, comforting support...which btw it probably has helped me so much because it is very hard to get warm, comforting support anywhere else. And also I feel more content now knowing that there are kind people out there like you guys who do this!

[Redskies]

I'm glad that you're feeling better, and I don't think it's weird at all Sometimes venting and having a few caring, thoughtful responses can be just the thing to give someone what they need to get out of a bit of a funk. And, well done you for those lists, the thinking and the art gallery!